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0:09 Welcome back to Podcast and Chill, where you get the best of both worlds from me, Gwen, and from yours truly, Leo. Hey, Leo. Have you ever just felt stuck, but couldn't really explain why? Oh, yeah, totally. Like you're in quicksand or something, but you can't even tell what's pulling you down. So, like you're moving but somehow not really going anywhere, right? Yep. Been there. Do you have any clue what that's all about? A lot of times it's because we don't really know ourselves. Wait, what? I mean, I'm Leo. I know that much. I I mean the real you, who you are on the inside. If you don't know that, it's hard to figure out what you want or where you're headed. So, what you're saying is feeling stuck might actually mean we're in the middle of figuring
0:55 ourselves out. Bingo. That's exactly why today's episode is all about finding your true self. Cool. Let's go. So, Gwen, what's the deal with this whole identity crisis thing everyone keeps talking about? An identity crisis is when someone's struggling to figure out who they really are, what they believe in, what matters to them, and what they want out of life. So, it's not just a high school phase. Nope. Even though it usually shows up big time in those years. Yeah, I can see that. There was a 2017 study in the Journal of Adolescence. They found that around 67% of young
1:43 people and young adults went through a serious phase of identity exploration. Wow, that's like 2/3. So, it's super common. Super common. But here's the twist. It's not just a young person thing. Wait, older people go through it, too? Yep. Eric Ericson, a big name in psychology, said identity crisis can pop up multiple times throughout our lives, not just once in our teens. multiple times. That sounds exhausting. I mean, I get why teens go through it. Crazy hormones, life changes, general confusion. But adults, adults deal with a lot more than we give them credit for. Like what? Think about it. Career changes, breakups, becoming a parent,
2:29 retirement. All of that can make someone question who they are. Man, life really doesn't let up, huh? It's like it keeps tossing questions at us. And sometimes you just got to stop and figure yourself out again. Yeah, it's kind of sad, but yeah, totally real. So, if I don't even know what's going on with me, how would I know I'm in a crisis? Good point, Leo. There are some signs. Think of them as the symptoms of an identity stroke. I'm listening. Lay it on me. One big red flag is struggling to make decisions. Even the small everyday stuff like what to eat or what to wear. Okay, that sounds like me every morning. But for real, why is that such a big deal? Well, when you're not sure who you are, it's hard to make choices that actually
3:16 reflect you. So, even the little stuff starts to feel like a major dilemma. Yeah, that actually makes a lot of sense. Yep. You might feel like you're pretending to be someone else, like wearing a mask in social situations. So, kind of like acting. That must be exhausting, right? And the worst part is you don't even get paid for the performance. If only. Okay, hit me with more. Another common one is constantly switching up your goals, hobbies, or passions. Oh man, guilty. I jump from one thing to another all the time and lose interest fast. Why does that happen? It's usually because you're still searching. You haven't nailed down what really matters to you yet, so nothing really sticks.
4:03 H. Facing the truth hurts a little. And here's a big one. You just feel lost. It's like life has no clear direction or purpose. I guess that ties back to not knowing what you actually want. Yes, that's the connection. So, the more in tune you are with yourself, the easier it is to make choices and keep moving forward. Yep. That's why recognizing these signs is the first step to getting back on track. So, what's the next step to actually moving forward? The next step, figuring out the causes of the crisis. Ah, yeah. We've already diagnosed the symptoms. Time to find out what kind of virus is messing with our identity. That's the only right way. So, what usually causes someone to go through an identity
4:49 crisis? Is it just random or are there common triggers? Oh, there are definitely some usual suspects. Hit me with them. One big one is social pressure and other people's expectations. I know it. When you try to live up to what others want, you lose touch with what you really value, right? Like when your family's pushing you to be a doctor, but deep down you want to be an artist. That conflict can get heavy. For real. What else causes it? Another cause is simply not connecting with your core values. Why is that such a big deal? Well, if you don't know what truly matters to you, how are you supposed to know what direction to take? Makes sense. What about life changes? Do they
5:36 play a role? Oh, yeah. Major transitions like graduating, moving, and changing careers. They all shake up your routine and identity. Yeah, I felt that when I moved to a new city for work. I didn't feel like myself for a while. I know, right? And here's another one. Limited life experience. Oh, I get that. If your world is small, it's hard to figure out what really clicks with you. Now, I'm thinking about actors. I mean, they're literally playing different people all the time. Do they ever get lost in all those roles? Oh, yeah. Actually, Jim Carrey talked about that once. No way. Jim Carrey, he's my favorite. After filming Man on the Moon, where he played Andy Kaufman, he said it was hard to come back to himself. Wow. I had no
6:22 idea. He even said that Jim Carrey started to feel like just another character he was playing for the public. Dang, that's deep. Yeah, it led to some dark times for him, depression, and rethinking his whole purpose beyond acting. So, I guess you can have an identity crisis, whether you're playing roles on screen or just in real life. Yeah, it can happen to literally everyone. So all these things, they all kind of blend together and mess with your sense of self. Honestly, even just one of those can throw your identity into chaos. How can we get out of this chaos, then? Lucky for you, there's actually a simple method for that. Gwen, every time you say simple, I end up needing a full-on survival kit. This
7:09 time, I promise it's different. You just got to trust me. All right, fine. I'm all ears. It's a four-step method to help you figure out who you really are. Super practical, totally doable. Four steps. That already sounds like homework. It's very well simple. I swear. Step one is values clarification. Sounds fancy. What does that actually mean? Basically, figuring out what matters most to you. Your values are like your inner compass. They help guide your choices. I like compasses. I get lost a lot. So, how do I find mine? Good thing we can find your inner GPS with the help of some simple exercises. Bring it on. You
7:56 can try a values card sort. Sounds like something from a magician's deck. What is it? You get a list of about 50 values like freedom, creativity, success, kindness, and you sort them by how important they are to you. So, I finally get to admit that naps and pizza are core values. Close, but those might be tied to comfort or joy. Noted. What else do you have? Another is peak experience analysis. Why do all your exercises sound like science projects? They sound complicated, but they're really not. Okay. So, why do I do this peak something? Peak experience analysis. Write about three to five moments in your life when you felt happiest or
8:41 proudest. Oh, like when I taught my nephew to ride a bike, I was so proud and connected. Yeah, that might reveal values like family, growth, or contribution. So, I got to identify which values were present in those moments. Right. The last exercise for this step is the outrage inventory. That one sounds aggressive. It's just making a list of things that really tick you off. And how does that help? Those usually point to values that feel violated. So, if I hate when people are rude or talk over others, that means I value respect. Yep. You're getting the hang of it. Makes sense. Anger can be a clue to what you care about. Now, it's time for step two
9:27 in this four-step method. What's the second step? It's strengths identification. This means discovering your natural talents and what energizes you. Please say one of the exercises involves eating chips and watching Netflix. Sadly, no. But the first activity reflected best self is super heartwarming. Heartwarming? Not bad at all. What's it? You ask five to 10 people close to you to describe times they saw you at your best. Why do I need their input? because we're often blind to our own strengths. Okay, I see the logic. What's next? Another is flow state analysis. More analysis. Man, you're turning my life
10:12 into a lab report. It's worth it. I swear. Just list activities where you totally lose track of time because you're so into it. Why though? They reveal where your energy flows naturally. And we're more likely to thrive when we build our lives around those zones. Well, I totally zone out when I'm designing thumbnails or making funny voiceovers. If so, the talents you have are creativity, attention to detail, and maybe performance. Stop. I'm flattered. Just stating facts. Anyway, the next method on the line is personality exploration. What's it about? It's about getting to know how you really are in the world, not how people expect you to be. Tell me more. First, you should try
10:57 the roles examination. What do I do here? List all the roles you play. Son, friend, teammate, employee. Then rate how authentic or comfortable you feel in each one. So, I figure out where I might be faking it. Pretty much. If you're putting on a mask too often, that's a sign you're not aligned with your real self. Honestly, I feel like I'm acting half the time at work, especially during those awkward team Zooms. What about me? You're the exception. You're like a coworker who snuck in through the friend door. I'll take that as a compliment. So, what's next? Then comes the trusted versus adapted self exercise. One is you when you're completely yourself, and one is you when you're trying to fit in or
11:43 please others. My adapted column might be wearing suits and saying, "Let's circle back." and your trusted self. Joggers, memes, and spontaneous dance moves. That's gold. This contrast helps you see where you're living authentically and where you're playing a role. Love that. Now, are we finally at the grand finale? Oh, right. The last one in this method is life vision creation. This sounds deep. You've learned who you are. Now, you imagine where you want to go. I'm listening. First, try future self- visualization. What do I need to do? Close your eyes and picture your ideal life in 5 to 10 years.
12:29 Okay, my eyes are shut. Where are you living? Who's around you? What are you doing every day? Uh, I see sunshine, a dog, a creative studio, and no emails. That vision gives you direction. Your brain starts looking for ways to make it real. So, does this actually help my brain plan? Yep. Visualization activates the same neural pathways as doing the real thing. It boosts motivation and goal clarity. Mind blown. Last try mapping. Oh, we talked about this before. It's a Japanese concept about purpose, right? That's right. So, we got to draw four circles listing what you love, what
13:16 you're good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for. I know them as the palm of my hand. Yep. And where they all overlap. That's your eeky guy, your sweet spot. Gwen, this is like therapy, but with a checklist and zero awkward crying and free of charge. Isn't it great? Yeah, that's the best part, I guess. Now that you have the tools, let's reconnect with yourself anytime you feel lost. Hey Gwen, I think it's time we break down some of those big words we threw around. Good idea. Let's start with the basics. First one, let's start with identity. It basically means who you really are inside, your true self. Like
14:03 I'm Leo, the guy who loves pizza and naps. That counts, right? Sure. If those things truly define you, then yeah. Example, after college, I started to question my identity. Next up, values. That's what really matters to you, like honesty, freedom, or snack time. Snack time isn't a value. It is to me. Example, kindness and honesty are two values I really care about. Okay. How about authentic? It means being real. Being yourself, not pretending. So, like me wearing my pajama pants on Zoom calls. Exactly. Unfiltered Leo. Example, I feel more confident when
14:50 I'm being authentic. Now, this one's kind of dramatic. Mask, not the face kind. It's the fake version of yourself you show people. Like when you act super chill in meetings, but you're panicking inside. Uh, rude, but accurate. Example, at work, he wore a mask and hid his true feelings. Last one, transition. It just means a big change, like moving cities or starting a new job or switching from coffee to tea. Huge lifestyle shift. Leo, example, graduating college was a huge transition for me. Okay, Gwen, it's time to test our brains. Question one coming in hot.
15:36 Let's see if your brain's even online today. What's one sign that you might be having an identity crisis? Oh. Oh, I got this. One sign is when you keep changing your goals all the time. Correct. Or when you feel lost and don't know what really matters to you. Why is knowing your values so important when figuring out your true self? Because values are like your inner compass. They help you make decisions that feel right. Yeah. Without them, you're basically using Google Maps with no signal. All right, listeners. Now it's your turn. What's one value that's super important to you right now? Drop it in the comments and don't say pizza like I did earlier. Actually, pizza is a vibe.
16:27 All right, Gwen. I got to admit, I came into this episode thinking I was out hiking with no map, no compass, and definitely no snacks. And how are we feeling now? Now, I've got a whole emotional GPS system downloaded with updates. That's the beauty of doing identity work. Once you start figuring out who you really are, everything else starts to fall into place. Totally. You can't choose the right road if you don't even know where you're coming from. And whenever you feel stuck, keep in mind that it's a symptom. Yeah, that's usually just a sign your sense of self is a little blurry. But the good news, that's fixable. You can explore, define, and live from a place that feels true. Guys, if you haven't
17:13 found yourself yet, don't panic. Discovering your identity isn't a one-time event, right? It's a journey. You get to keep growing and evolving. Start exploring yourself using the exercises we talked about. Take small steps to clarify your values and strengths. The more you know yourself, the less stuck you'll feel. What's the first exercise you're going to try? Tell us in the comment section below. Thanks for tuning in and remember, the most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself. Catch you next time.
