MHA Webinar Episode 49:Can I trust the world with my child?

0:02 Sorry if you're enjoying the music and I have to end it. We have to start our program. I'm sorry about that. But uh the music must end somehow. Yes. A very warm good afternoon to all of us here on today, Friday the 25th of September. 2026. It's a beautiful day. Thank God we are all alive and well. And we have an interesting topic to discuss as well. Today our topic is can I trust the world

0:48 with my child? Understanding parental anxiety and children's independence. Those are very topical issues. We are confronted with several periods and times in our life as parents, as guardians, uncles, nieces, aunties that we have to make decisions about new transitions for our kids, sleepovers, traveling, going to new schools, meeting strangers, staying with relatives, going to the boarding house, starting university for the first time social activities and we have to let our children go and experience this thing

1:36 and this sometimes causes some sort of anxiety for us as parents and guardians. However, it also has an impact on the independence and decision making of our children. So that is what we are going to discuss today. So, we'll come back to this. By way of housekeeping rules, uh please do well to mute your microphones at all times to avoid distraction. And during the question time, please indicate your interest by raising your hand using the digital hand raising. You'll be called to answer or make your

2:22 suggestions or comments. And uh at that point please try to stick to the issue. Don't try to uh digress from the matter at hand and be as brief as possible. We are discussing mental health. So if you get the opportunity to talk kindly and be sensitive as possible. Uh those of us who are not aware, mental health authority has a help line that we can call to to seek for psychological first aid. It's a tollfree line and the toll-free line is 0800678678. I repeat the number 0800678678.

3:14 Uh today happens to be the fifth 50 edition of our virtual seminars. So uh today we are celebrating but uh there is nothing there's no kitking or anything. We still are doing what we do best, impacting the knowledge and making people aware and to promote our own mental health and that of others. However, all these are recorded apart from today's session. The 49 that we've done earlier are recorded and uploaded onto YouTube.

4:00 So, I'm sharing the link right now. so that you can have access to it. We've discussed various various topics and all of them are interesting. Uh going forward if you want to receive it the moment we upload it just subscribe to it. So the moment we upload it you would get the notification that something new has been uploaded and you can enjoy it. So there there you go. I've just shared the link. I've just shared the link of all our 49 virtual seminars that we've done. Yes. So, back to the topic at hand. So, we are discussing

4:47 parental anxiety and child independence and we have some excellent facilitators to to help us do this. So I'll quickly introduce them and then we go ladies first. So I'll first introduce Dr. Cecilia to Tudanka. H she's no stranger to this platform. Those of you who are regular would already know her. H she is the principal of Tusc Institute of Counseling and Technology. The chief executive officer of TOC organization. the director of Tusci hotel and a licensed counseling psychologist at TUSC wellness consult. She's the founding member of the Ghana

5:33 National Association of Certificated Counselors and currently the national president. She lectures at the University of Ghana and fellowships with the church of practical worship center. In the higher academic circle, Cecilia holds a PhD in guidance and counseling, a master of education in information technology, master of arts in adult education, and another master of philosophy in guidance and counseling. She holds a degree in education as well as a bachelor of science degree in information technology. She is studious in nature, as you can tell. In her counseling practice, she is described as a compassionate marriage and premarital relationship counselor, a mental health practitioner,

6:19 academic and career path development therapist as well as a cyber trauma counselor in the education field. She's a seasoned educationist both in pedagogy that is ch teaching children and andra goi teaching allot with over 25 years of experience transforming lives with her teaching ministry. She is a god-fearing woman, a transformative leader, a wife and a mother to many and still a baby to her mother. In one sentence, Cecilia can be described as an epidome of love. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Dr. Cecilia to Dqua. Let's give a

7:07 a guitar clap. A digital clap. Let's give her a guitar to welcome her. Let's give her a guitar clap to welcome her. >> Thank you for that great introduction. I'm I feel pumped. [laughter] >> Yes. You know, I always like TO PUMP YOU. THANK YOU. >> OKAY. OKAY. GOOD. You're most welcome. How has your day began? >> Oh, it's been so fine. Very, very fine. >> Yeah. Thank you. >> Okay. Great. Great. Great. Great. And next to introduce I would introduce um Dr. Just a sec.

7:54 Dutka Edgar Akunov. He is a lecturer with the University of Cape Co's department of sociology and anthropology. He holds a PhD in sociology with a specialty in criminal justice, social deviance and criminology. He also speaks on social issues to the media and social groups. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Dr. Edgar Ti Akuno. Let's give him a dig. Dr. Akuno, where are you? Yes, there you are. How has your day began? >> It's been fine. Uh the pressure is

8:42 mounting gradually, but we we will cope. >> Good. Good. Good, good, good, good. Thank you. Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming. >> Thank you. Bye. >> Good. Next, I would introduce Dr. Michael Okofi. Dr. Michael Kofi, Farm D. He is one of Ghana's most experienced pharmaceutical professionals with 29 years of continuous registration and practice. A graduate of Kuma University science and technology holds a doctor of pharmacy from the University of Ghana and an executive master of business administration from Gimpa complementing a distinguished career that spans

9:28 clinical pharmacy, pharmaceutical marketing, international business development and healthcare consultancy. Dr. Kakovi's career has traced a remarkable act through the pharmaceutical industry. It began as a medical representative for Smith Klein Bam advancing through its measure to become a key member of Glasgow Smith Klein Healthcare Solutions Division. He subsequently built his own built his institutional credibility through roles with Johnson Silak before ascending to country manager positions for Medc plc UK and the federal group Spain and serving as a consultant to Hov Malaysia. These

10:15 international postings have given him a uniquely global perspective on pharmaceutical supply regulatory dynamics and market development. In addition, he's the chief executive officer of Health Consult Pharmacy in Tesina where he continues to practice as a pharmacist and remains speed remains deeply connected to day dayto-day relatives of patient care and health delivery in Ghana. He is an author of books including Daughters of Youth, Daughters of Eve versus The Sons of Adam and Don't Touch It: Breaking the Cycle of Addiction and Despair and soon to be

11:03 published book on pharmaceutical marketing to help revolutionalize the study of marketing of pharmaceuticals at a training level. He is married with three beautiful adults. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Dr. Michael Kofi. Dr. Kofi, where are you? Dr. Kofi, there you are. Okay, unmute yourself. Unmute yourself and let's hear you. >> Hello everyone. Thank you. Thanks for having >> Let's give him a digital round of applause. Yeah, he's here to represent us parents. So, he's going to share his experiences with his children and all that. Okay.

11:52 >> So, please tell him. Okay. So, we are ready to get into the meat of the discussion. Let me ask Dr. Kono um are Ghanian parents becoming more protective because of the genuine changes in our environment or are some fears amplified based on what we read in the social media and the stories that we hear. Are we genuinely being protective of the what we are hearing and what we are seeing on the social media that is

12:38 fueling this anxiety. Let me start with you Dr. >> All right. Thank you very much and thank you colleagues and all who have gathered here. It's a privilege to be on this platform and I want to extend my warm gratitude to Dr. who has always given me this opportunity and the mental health uh authority. Indeed uh the dynamics from uh a sociological perspective is what you have highlighted. Our society has changed so much. We are getting more urbanized. The the dynamics of our population is

13:25 changing. We are also hearing stories that sometimes make us worry. And to say that Ghanaian parents are getting more anxious about their children, it's it's it's to some extent is yes the case. But I think it's more the situation when it comes to the enlightened parents, those the middle class, the upper class. Now when you go to our rural areas and the average people, they seem to have that free range attitude. But for those of us who have had the privilege of having some

14:13 amount of exposure and resources, we tend to be a little bit more scared because of the changes in our environment, the situations that we are confronted with in our current situation. So I can say with all due respect that yes the changes that we are encountering in terms of the dynamics in our environment the social cultural issues are contributing to this anxiety. Uh those days when we were kids I mean you can step out of your house and you are sure that there are protective measures inherent in the society. A case for example is that from my original

14:58 house to where I stood there are five points where I have to at least meet people who are familiar who keep me in check. But today all those landmarks are gone. We have different sort of people in the village. H the relations that supported us in bringing up children are no longer there. So the social dynamics have actually changed and that actually is contributing to the anxiety parents are being confronted with and again it's also what we hear what we see the issues that day in and day out that we are confronted with. If you live in a society where day in and day out you hear children have been kid adopted kidnapped people have been as we see definitely it will give you cause for

15:45 worry it will give you cause for anxiety. So really the changes the current situation in terms of the dynamics in our environment in our socioultural system actually is contributing to this level of anxiety and worry for and fear and stress that parents are now experiencing. Hello. >> Yes. Thank you very much Dr. Akuno. So clearly is the social dynamics that is contributing significantly to to uh us as parents our anxiety. Uh Dr. Da I'm call because

16:34 I should be calling you TC then that's what I'm more used to. So Ty Tootsie baby >> you can yeah you can do the Tootsie baby. It's fine. I'm the only baby. All the rest are adults. So feel free. >> Yes, my dear participants, the the the the the QR code that you see you you if you're interested, you can scan. You'll get to know everything about 2C baby and the school and all that. So um Tuscaby would you like to what's your what's your perception about this social dynamics that have changed? What would you like to add? Yeah, it's all that h Thank you everyone and thank you doctor and thank you also. So what I my colleague had

17:21 presented it's the holistic truth possibly I could say um not the only one but a higher percent of what um it is in our generation. What I want to add is that the psychological and spiritual demands and then responsibility of parenting has also contributed to it because it's also a social rule. I mean religion is culture and they they all come within. So aside the social media and then the unsafe space around us, the intuitive responsibilities

18:07 as parents to take care of our kids and the religious demand that we account for them has also become a source of anxiety. And this existed long ago as described in the Bible and probably some aspects of the Quran I may not be able to quote where even a child who has said that leave me I'm old enough I want to go and spend my life and took all that he wants and left yet the father was always standing at a point expecting the child will come home because of the rule because of the protection because of the anxiety.

18:53 That action describes a parent who is so anxious about the child that where is my child and what could be happening to this child. So these roles also increasingly get her to be anxious aside the social roles. Thank you. >> Thank you very much. Thank you very much. So uh Dr. Kofi so why do you think that parents are becoming uncomfortable and anxious when the ch the child is about to enter a familiar an unfamiliar place and is about to experience something new from your perspective as a parent why is it so Dr.

19:39 Thank you very much. I believe that uh this is because on certain >> Can you Dr. Can you please increase the volume on your >> I think I think my volume is full. >> Okay, please go ahead. Okay. So what I can say about this is that um this is because uncertainty actually activates the protective instinct. Uh parents know their children very well but they don't know the environments that their children are going into and what it involves and what might happen to them. The mind tells them that there are gaps which have to be filled and most of these gaps because of event of

20:26 social media and other reports seem to be negative. Indeed the whole world is tend to be a crime scene. So everyone is watching out to see what could could possibly happen to someone and sometimes it's real. Sometimes it's real and we cannot control what happens when our children are away from us. So learning to tolerate the loss of control is actually part of the problem. And as we all know even our educational system sometimes is also helping to shape the minds of our children in the the sort of things they get into. Especially now we are taught to do critical thinking. Children are taught to use their minds and so they even tend to question parents as to

21:13 whether their directives are right or otherwise. And so this all bring anxiety to the parents as to what environment their their children are going into and what is likely to happen to them. And uh permit me to say that these days uh even on the internet, cyber bullying and other social media predators who are all over the place all make life uncomfortable for parents to even uh determine what kind of environment their children are going into, what sort of schools they are entering and what kind of characters they are going to meet and the influences be it positive or negative that they perceive and their own uh previous experiences as parents growing up and if what might have

21:59 happened to them along the line also influences some of these anxieties that parents carry along when their children are entering into new and unfamiliar environments. Thank you. >> Okay. Uncertainty activates the protective modes in parents. That's true. So when we are not too sure of which environment that the child is going that's when the signals begin to be then we get into the protective mode but let's talk about how much freedom that we allow them to have Dr. to baby let's talk about freedom that we allow them. Do you think that or

22:46 how do you how you know our time do you think that our time what we experienced influence us to the extent that it makes us tighten the freedom that we give to our children today or we have to open it up and give them that cacity of freedom. How do our childhood experiences influence us in that direction? >> Okay, thank you. There's this um popular thing that parents do and some often even voice it out that I've gone through a bad experience. I had worse experience and I wouldn't want my child to go through. So these days um most parents

23:32 are putting much effort to create a better platform for their kids and as such it's also indirectly get them to control the kids or probably be overprotective. So that it's um a situation where it get to limit the kids in the mind of the parents. The parent is providing a better situation, the best. But in the mind of the child, they feel they are not left to be on their own. They are being boxed and and they compare themselves to in quotes some parents that have allowed their children to go their own way probably because they felt

24:20 that okay my child is done with SHs. It's okay. I'm done with what I'm supposed to do for the child. So the child should go away and then find his or her own way. Unlike the parent who says that oh no for me I want my child after SHs I want to guide the child to get into university to maybe master's degree and even PhD and they are still I mean protecting them towards that path. These individuals may feel that they are not allowed I mean in to be free and it comes to the counseling session a lot which brings a lot of um tension uh between parents and children that I'm old enough why are you restricting me I

25:07 can do that and I can do that but it's also because they are experiences and they feel they need to protect um their kids and then Um we also know that most parents also tell you that okay I have this legacy my child need to come and take over that kind of family business sort of so in all their lives that idea of I'm building for the entire society to have and contribute to the entire society when I'm not there it's limited rather it directed to is a legacy for my child my children must inherit and so they again guide the children into what

25:53 they have built which also at times limits the the their freedom and they feel that no this not what I want to do so leave me to go then parents say no this is a family thing we have built to stay in there so these are the few things that I mean bring some of the um appearance nature Ah, exactly. Thank you. >> Yeah. So clearly, yes, indeed. Yeah. So our past experiences indeed inform us because you want to do everything for them and that limits their freedom and you leave them to do it and that also opens up the liility. So indeed um our experiences does influence the kind of

26:38 freedom the level of freedom that we give to them. Uh Dr. So why do we draw the line between protective and being overprotective? Uh Emmanuela, I think kindly uh lower your hand now. Uh we would ask you to when it's time you can raise your hand now. Feel free to put in your comments. Feel free to put in your comments, questions and suggestions. I'll read them as we go along. So uh you can do that now. So, Dr. Connor, back to you. >> Yeah. Let me draw the line between being protective and protective. >> I thank you very much. I I think it's it's a very difficult uh situation

27:25 and it's difficult because one uh the the the level of protection that is triggered by a parent depends on some of the factors we have already highlighted previous experiences. the social dynamics, the changes we're experiencing, the level of information we gather from social media landscape and other sources inform the decisions that we make. And I think let me also highlight that your ability to protect depends on your resources. And I did indicate that there seem to be a higher level of protection from those of us in the middle class and the upper class. those down there they don't have even

28:10 the resources to protect. So let's check uh these days we drive our children wherever we don't want them to work. We don't want them to we do all kinds of things when we think that we have what it takes to do what we want to do. So where do we draw the line between uh protection uh the standard protection that children need. In fact as parents we have the responsibility of care. If your child remains a child under 18 by law by social contract we have some level of protection that we have to secure or get for these children because one they don't have the experience through they don't have the all the information they need to navigate the

28:57 world. However we have been privileged to have gone ahead of them. So we have that advantage of sometimes preempting some of the dangers that we think can come their way. So what do we do? The level of protection can be managed by the individual child you have. Children differ. Some of them you know this child when you say do this this child will do it. They will not even go beyond what you've asked them to do. the other children even when he said don't go he's already coming from that direction and I'm saying that because you see children differ in fact there are children that you can't even use threat when you threaten it rather an incentive for them

29:44 to go and do so what you know sometimes the the feedback we get from parents that when my child was coming to school I said a b c d that is exactly what has happened the point as parents we have to do is that let's actually know our children who they are what are their strengths where what are their weaknesses some children can easily be influenced some are not situational aware I mean they don't care I have a child the parent complain almost every term he has to buy a new lens for this child and it's a tag of that why because he's the free to go type he will talk anywhere everywhere he goes he moves in and you

30:29 know it gets the parents so angry and then I said take a decision. So let's know our children some can manage some level of independence they can manage. We can try them based upon the experiences we've had with a domestic setting. In fact the domestic setting itself is a way of knowing our children and the extent to which we can give them certain freedom. In fact, there are some children that they wouldn't have any problem, but some would have because we know them already from the domestic setting. This is the challenges that we've had. Then we should also have the ability to monitor our children when we are with them in certain social spaces. When you go to check with your child, for example, monitor her, check her. How

31:16 does the child socialize with the other? How often do you have to strain check where is he? Why has he got you know children can you know some would want to go with their children some will just go and say my daddy is waiting they will come in time others you have to wait and sometimes parents get angry you can see from their faces that they are not happy with what has happened but that's your child so the danger we face is that we cannot do everything for them that's where we have that sometimes because we feel that there's all these embedded risk security issues in society We have to run everything for them. Let's remind ourselves that we will not be there forever. So let's be measured in the freedom we give them. If they are able

32:02 to comport themselves, if they excel in managing that space, we add. If they are not able to manage, we restrain them, check them, help them because at certain point in time they will leave us. In fact, these days if you look at the academic calendar after what do you call it JSS they are gone now the emptiness is so quick is so fast you can't find them around they are gone so let's help them groom them manage them so for me the line should be based upon individual cases the children we have what the previous experiences with them have been and how well they've been able to manage the freedom the spaces

32:47 we've given them based upon that we add incentive wise if they are not able to manage we withdraw encourage them but it cannot be total subjugation if that term is right or total suppression total limitation they will go they will be to school and uh I can see respectfully that children who have not been managed when they get the University freedom is wild because now they have their own room. They have their own friends. Mommy will not be there. Mommy going to be there to monitor them their churchgoing activity. The type of friends they form and sometimes they mess up big time. But for

33:33 those who have been managed properly when they come you could see they may falter but they still have that selfont control that self- regulation. But for those who have been boxed for a very long time, they are very wild when they they get the freedom. It's like the whole world is now with them. Thank you, Doc. >> It's like prison break for them, man. >> Exactly. >> Let me So, so something that you said will not be there forever. We will not be there forever. We will not be there for them forever. Juicy baby, let me let me ask you something. So what happens that if we are constantly intervening, we are constantly monitoring, making decisions on their

34:20 behalf. You are you are you are in the consulting room. What normally happens? What what would happen juicy baby? >> Okay. Thank you so much. Now if we keep on taking decision for them directing them the specific things to do without giving them the allowance to contribute to their own growth. What happens is that they grow up and they are unable to make responsible and responsive decisions and it also get back to the point of caregivers attachment which is a a disorder in adulthood where when the person grows and you expecting that oh this my child is expected to make s decisions with a

35:09 spouse or at a corporate environment and yet they would have to go back to a caregiver to seek their view. So it's really haused a level of fixation when we get to a point where we just do everything for them. That is why in parenting it is encouraged that if there's any point that you need to get your child so much involved, it's right from zero. You train the child because you a teacher at that point from 0 to 7 years. Train the child. Put in every measures that you expect the child to have. And

35:55 then from 8 to 14 then there you are no more a teacher but then you become a coach. So when we are able to know when parents are teachers, parents are coaches, parents are role models and then you become a a a a cheer giver at each point. You know your role as a parent and you also get to know the role of the child so that these roles come together to make a complete person prepared for the world. And when this works well, wherever they go, even though you may not be there physically, but your involvement and their involvement together make them so able to stay wherever they

36:43 go. Thank you. >> Thank you very much. Uh Dr. Kofi, would you like to top up? So in topping up, do you think that uh leaving them um how does this contribute to the development of conf confidence and resilience in them? So top up and add this. >> Okay. So I believe that overp protection will actually not allow them to take age appropriate decisions. Um like madame uh said earlier uh you have to become a teacher to them at some stage do this don't do that between the

37:31 early ages of 0 to four from five going you have to train them to 13 to become like you are their coaches what are the risks associated with this places that I'm visiting what are the kind of people that I'm going to meet in such environments and what kind of decisions I have to take should I be faced with such challenges? Uh it's like planning scenarios around them. So my boy or my girl assuming you get to this this place and you meet such a situation. How are you going to confront it? Allow them to express themselves. Oh, I believe that when I get there I will do ABC to you know solve this kind of problem. Then it means that you are involving them in their own planning and decision making

38:18 so that they don't just become like robots being um you know micromanage anyhow do this don't do that do this and we are not able to equip them with the skill the knowledge and the abilities to take decisions for themselves and this is very very dangerous because then they are unable to um you know make their own plans like madame everything they have to seek another person's opinion and they don't become better people and I believe that is one of the reasons h um parents leave property or businesses in the hands of their children and by the time uh 2 years or 3 years after their demise the businesses don't stand because we don't really allow them to uh

39:06 have that skill that ability to think and then uh you know be innovative to handle situations as they And this can undermine their confidence and problem solving skills and resilience. So I would say that protection will actually help them to understand the risk that they are surrounded with and how to prepare to handle them. But overp protection will prevent them from experiencing the risk because you don't want them to even go into it. So you are protecting them from experiencing any risk. So how do they even express themselves when they are faced with challenges and then protection therefore will bring them uh competence or produce competence in them but then overp protection will end up producing dependence and loss of uh confidence in

39:52 themselves. Thank you. >> Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Um so let's do something very practical. Dr. Kono uh Dr. just said that you need to be trying uh scenarios with them. So, um I'm anxious because my boy is going to a new environment. Let's say the university. I'm anxious. [snorts] You being in the university, how do I play this scenario? And what are the quick dos and don'ts that I should offer? Okay, thank you. Uh, in the first place, you as a parent should appreciate the

40:39 kind of environment the child is going to enter. So, a little bit of a parental uh, knowledge in terms of the structure, the environment and the kind of situations that your child is likely going to be confronted with is important. It is through that you can have the ability to or rent your child. Uh there there are so many cases that uh through social media you can uh shop or use to guide that child. uh some of the information issues that has already happened in terms of how students in that environment uh conducted

41:27 themselves. Normally we hear about some bad news and issues. I mean recently in my own environment a student who stepped out and then said oh I'll be back very soon never came back. Now there are lessons in such a story. H the lessons that I always share with my class that it doesn't matter where you go let somebody know where your destination who you are going to be with whom you are going to associate with because it's helpful when things don't go as expected. You can always get somebody who is privy to the information that can help save you. Now sometimes they think oh it's a short

42:13 trip I mean I'll get back soon I try and you know it's also about once again what has happened from their previous background. So with this scenario, I'm using the scenario of a girl who went and never came back. Her body was found at the beach could be a useful lesson you can use to guide your child. Pointing out the need for people to know your whereabout, informing close allies that I'm going to this destination. Somebody has called me. Somebody has invited me. And again it can also be used to tell over reliance and trust we have for people that we don't know so much about them. There are people who

42:59 easily trust others their friends which can actually be dangerous sometimes and this story is a very good one that can help that child. So you may not be able to create artificial scenarios or hypothetical scenarios but you can have information stories issues that has happened all around us that you can use to guide that child. Now it means that you as a parent should educate yourself. I'm saying that because sometimes if we don't have what it takes is even dangerous attempting to help. That's where sometimes we always go with the threads instead of helping them come to them. Sometimes we can even solicit their view.

43:57 Is it your network? Is it our network or his his his network? Oh, >> it will be his network. >> So, Dr. Coffee, would you like to continue on from where? >> Yes. >> Yes, please, please step in. H for instance from what doc was just saying I remember my first daughter was going to K USD the first time >> I sat her down told her that look there's this thing called uh September rush at that time we used to call it September rush where um guys will start rushing to freshest especially the ladies trying to woo them in relationships and that you have to be

44:44 very careful because it's not everything a and says that he means it initially he might even want to um h put it as part of his trophies that oh I was able to win this girl I was able to do this with that girl. So be careful before you get into any such relationships. Your first um reason for going there is to acquire knowledge and to become successful in a particular field of endeavor that you are going to study. So that should be your priority. All other things come sec second. So like one of my lectures used to say, "Seek ye first the academic kingdom and all other things shall be added onto you." >> Added onto you. >> Yes. And the headmaster will also say that try me and see if you follow me,

45:31 you fall. In fact, he was advising us whenever we are we were going on holidays because we were going to meet women. We were going to meet girls who are also on vacation. We are going to have interactions with them. And if you are not careful because your hormones are now developing at that stage of adolescence, you might be tempted to do things onward. So all these things help to shape the way we thought and whenever we were on vacation and then we went back to school without any um uh exper negative experiences. So I believe that yes scenario plannings are there they could help. At the same time, uh life experiences which uh are current or uh predate us as could also be used to

46:17 advise our children about environments that they are about to enter into the dangers that they are going to be associated with and how they are going to navigate all these areas to h overcome the the the supposed um evils or challenges that they might be confronted with. Thank Thank you. I think you've nailed it um with that scenario thing because uh it is that mute muted it is that scenario that expectation of something new that is making us making parents and guardians anxious. So if you create that

47:04 scenario and you have a discussion about the loss and loans and how to prepare yourself. I think whilst we are educating the child and the parenting you the parent you are also reducing your own anxiety uh which is quite which is quite insightful there. Um you see baby are you there? >> Yes please. >> Very good. So is there another way that aside creating the scenario and discussing it with with the child >> to reduce my anxiety? Is there another way that is there nothing that as the parent I could do to reduce my anxiety without

47:50 >> transferring it to the child? >> All right. Thank you. that right from birth. Like I said, parents must learn to be teachers. >> You need to teach your children the values. >> Create scenarios right from early childhood. >> Let them know the principles that apply to your in-house style. For instance, in my home, my kids know that you can't go anywhere without letting your parents know. So even when they are in school and they are stepping

48:35 out when we are not there, they test the telephone number and the location. This is at will. Even at times we forget but before I realize they have sent it. These are basic rules we started even before they got to teens or they became teenagers. So I want to encourage all parents and grandparents who now maybe are taking care of their children's children that don't let us lower the belt too much from age zero to 7 years. It is Ghana education service that has told teachers not to cane their the

49:21 students in the classroom. Parents are supposed to punish their student their children in love and tell them why if you are canaining them or you are restricting them let them know the reason for the restrictions. We shouldn't um discipline them out of anger but let discipline them out of love. Explaining the reason for the discipline that give them the norming you know in in group formation and building we have the storming and norming. So the child knows that okay I did A B C D that's why my parent did this not that they hate me but often times you find parents becoming so angry

50:06 and beating the children insulting them without at times the children themselves not even knowing what to do. So as a teacher the Bible says and I believe there's a quotation in the Quran and even the traditional religion say train a child the way that child must go and if the child goes to that way then you'll be free but when we fail at the zero to seven years then that's where we now try to implement certain things and then the traditional year when it get grown and then you want to straighten it you break A lot of parents >> have left off the teaching role at the early stage and now get to the 7 to 15

50:55 and they are trying to manage. If you don't teach, what will you manage? So you need to teach before you coach. Now someone asks in in the chat, so at what point in time do you become a coach? You become a coach after you you are done with the teaching. after you have done with the training. So from seven years and above, you allow them to do certain things on their own and you allow them to make mistakes whilst you do the coaching. And when these things are done, you realize that you the parent yourself, you'll be free and there was a a scenario that happened at PRC about four years ago and that issue that happened. My son was part of it. As soon as I heard it, I got scared. Hey, why

51:43 should this happen? I rushed there. When I went, he was standing by one of the trees. That's a nana, what happened? Oh, mommy, you just keep calm. I'm not part of it. But what the teacher did? I mean, all those in the room, all whatever they did, even some of the teachers said it's right. He shouldn't have treated them that way. So, I was also going to do it. I remember that hey when mommy hear this she will not be fine and son doing this so mommy because of that I went out so I'm not part of it it was only my son I'm not priding that but I'm using it to say that when you start the principles right from the early childhood it helps at times some of us that we didn't give birth a lot we are

52:29 tempted to be overprotective but train them at the very early stage coach them from 11 to 14 and then be a mentor from 15 to 21. After 21, you are a cheerleader. And when you able to put this in shape, you will leave your children even though they will make mistakes. But something tiny about you. Even when they forget God, they remember the bond and the love you have established with them. you will sleep and you will know that they are safe because the principles and the practices that you have put in them including the fear of God will be with them. Thank you. >> Thank you very much. That was a wonderful response. Dr. Kuno, I'm going to read a few comments that uh not Dr.

53:14 Kuno, Dr. Kofi. I'm going to read a few comments that have been shared, but I want you to think about this whilst I'm reading. So they are it's possible that in allowing them to be independent giving them that freedom they are going to make mistakes. >> Yes. >> How do I respond when they make that mistakes? So hold on to your response. Let me read a few comments. I'll be back. Then you respond to that for me. Um

54:03 area says that what age is the right age to allow our children to explore and learn lessons and to survive outside the home? I think that has been responded several times. Uh what is the difference between parents as teachers and as coaches? That has also been responded. Good one. Thank you for these comments from these questions. Uh Abna Taylor, can children take charge? >> Who is that? Who who is that? Is that Gloria? Gloria or some please you have consistently and persistently unmuted yourself and is very very

54:50 distracted please. Um Abnella can children take charge of their parents' work and if yes at what age this is your question there is a different topic on its own and I think that if you go through um if you go through all the webinars we've done we've done a topic like this you might be interested in looking at that in full hes what draws the line between protective and overprotective it has explained uh Victor Tu please can we have a scenario or illustration that differentiate

55:37 between child protection and child over protection is the same thing that you have said thank you for your questions anyway Jen assuming a parent micromanage the child for too long I don't think there's micromanagement here and he or she he or her is very dependent how do we deal with the challenge created I'm sure that you should get your response by now. Um, Victor, I'm expecting a response. Good assumption. Okay. Uh, Verica boy, I totally agree with information about location, which I also do. Even as a parent, I informed them on my family platform about your whereabouts. Yes,

56:24 Lynard Osman. Sometimes, Princess Leard, is that you? Sometimes you do all this but the moment they get in touch with bad company and if you aren't careful would destroy all your work. We should watch the kinds of friends we allow in their lives. Yes, you should know their friends. It's very very important that you should know your children's friends that one there. So if if he or she mentions a name who is that you should ask all all the questions. Sometimes they they will want to hide them. And the moment they want to hide them, that is where you become more your your alarm bells should be ringing and you want to know who is it. Oh, okay. It's you. How have you been? I hope you're fine. Eh. All right. So, that's the

57:10 uh comments so far. Uh uh um Dr. Coffee. Yes. So, thank you very much. I must say that parents sometimes need to allow controlled failure from their children if it is not one that is devastating. For instance, if a child goes uh to school without his homework, forgets it at home. Perhaps parents might not immediately take their homework to the school, they should let the teachers teach them the lessons for not bringing their um homework to school so that next time the child will be responsible. If a teenager spends their allowance irresponsibly,

57:56 perhaps they may experience the they you have to let them experience the consequences of spending their allowance and not quickly go to give them a replacement. Let them sometimes go through the consequences of overspending so that they don't come back demanding for more. They might think money is always there for you the parent to spend on them. If a young person makes a poor decision that is not dangerous, you should also allow them to learn from it. Therefore, we have to distinguish between dangerous consequences and intervene and developmental consequences where we allow for learning and that should help us to build a balance so that our children uh become resilient in their choices uh their thoughts and then

58:42 how they behave when they are confronted with situations around them. So yes, it is not always uh that you the parent have have to intervene. Sometimes allow them to make mistakes so that they learn from it and then the consequences will help them to even adhere to the tenants of behaving uh rationally than to um behaving uh uh you know in any manner that will bring uh shame and disgrace in later life. Thank you. But yes, we need to we need to allow them to experience it. But some of this some of us it's possible that out of that mistake [snorts] you the parent.

59:29 So attempted to get upset, attempted to get angry. So how must between the two? There are certain little little things that they do that could bring not bring shame to you but then to themselves to pay attention in later uh life. There are also things that they might do that will bring shame to the family. That one whatever uh resources you have to uh deal with them you use to deal with them so that it doesn't f to become a big problem. So you look at the situation for instance if you spend your money it doesn't bring too much problems to me as a parent if

1:00:15 you are going through little hardships in school provided you don't go and steal and disgrace me but then if you go and then break school rules by jumping the school wall uh to join friends to go to a club or this school then I have every um right as a parent to step in and then together with the school authorities, let them meet the necessary um punishment to you so that next time you don't do it again. That is the distinction I was trying to draw. >> Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Uh let's Dr. Kuna, are you back? Is Dr. Kuna back? >> Uh I'm back. >> Fantastic. Fantastic. Fantastic.

1:01:03 Okay. So at this point I want us to try some scenarios. >> Hello I'm back >> and okay thank you very much. I'm happy that you are back. >> Hello. >> Hello. I can hear you. I can hear you loud and clear. Can you hear me? Yeah, >> can you hear me now? >> I think I can hear you now, sir. >> Very good. Very good. Unless So now I want us to do some case scenarios. Then when we are done with the case scenarios, we'll open the floor for our

1:01:50 participants to ask uh some questions. Already most of the questions have been answered, but I'm sure they would like to add some more. So this is the first case scenario. Um a 16 year old wants to travel with a with a school group for several days. The school has appropriate supervision but I'm very very uncomfortable. Is this healthy caution or excessive anxiety? Let me start with you Dr. Kono. >> All right. Uh sorry for the hitches. Uh I I think uh you should have

1:02:39 specific reasons why you are uncom you are scared of is there I'm asking because you know I I from boy scout background so you know the story now is there somebody who is a predator somebody who is a pedophile is there you know so it should you should have a specific specific concern. It can be general that the fact that your child is traveling and you are not going to be there with him should be enough basis for anxiety. Now if you have any specific reason are there measures you can take both from within in the that's in terms of dealing with the child alert letting the child to the danger you have foreseen or is there somebody you can

1:03:27 confide in to help mitigate that danger for example if indeed you think that oh probably because of your previous experience you ever had something like that something happened to you. Therefore, on this trip, you assume that your child will also go through a similar experience. There will definitely be something probably you didn't do right that you can use as a template to guide your child through this exercise. Is there somebody who is trustworthy that you can entrust your child to so that he will have his eyes on this child for you? Even sometimes peer monitoring your his own friends. That's why I think I heard you say that you should know the friends of your children because some could be a very

1:04:13 useful check on the behavior conduct of your child. So we shouldn't universalize uh everything that because it happened to somebody it must or would because it happened to me it definitely must happen or will happen to ourselves. So you should be able to have specific reasons and try to address those reason. You know sometimes uh intuitively you may not have any strong basis you know nature doesn't always provide us with a logic of why we are doing what we are doing. If intuitively you still feel that look this it will not go well that is a choice you have to exercise and one don't just say that I'm not allowing to go dialogue engage so that the child

1:05:00 will come to the same level or the same point with you and appreciate your concerns your fears your anxieties but I still think that there's the need for us to I think when I had one panelist saying that uh there are certain level of uh risk we can allow our children to take if it's not going to be monumental and that I think I agree that we should allow them some room to take certain risk and if it's not going to be lifethreatening yes we they will learn because life is about learning experiences we gain that can usher us into the next level so 16 years young orient her

1:05:47 predators abound. What are the signs she has to look out for in a group setting? I think that will insulate her from any threats other than just saying that oh I not allow you to go etc etc. And there's also sometimes the need to dialogue with the entities that organize sometimes trip. I as a as a father I've seen some of these trips. I go to the school ask questions what vehicle are you using what are the details have you done due diligence etc to make sure that the vehicle is not a vehicle that is not insured or something like that sometimes as a parent so that I also augment the safety of the group and other like sometimes they don't even factor in certain security arc

1:06:33 sometime the school takes on board when are you going to return are you sure this time so so and so and it's been always helpful so dialogue engagement and especially as children when they get to that stage the adolescent stage they think they know everything. If you don't engage them and you always superimpose your views they are likely to rebel. Thank you. >> Thank you very much. Uh thank you very much. I think that you've nailed it right. What what I'm tempted to add is so after all the dialogue do a scenario case and do the do and don'ts let the child know what he or she after talking to the school now you know what the program is

1:07:18 about so you know what to expect and you create a scenario and advice and inform I think that will help all right two jump in and say something briefly about this >> okay Dr. Go ahead. >> Okay. So, I also believe that uh it could be either reasonable caution or excessive uh anxiety depending on the information the parent or evidence the parent has concerning that trip. Uh who is actually supervising the trip and the safety record like Doc rightly said. What's the kind of vehicle they even traveling in? Is it properly insured? Is it in good condition um to carry that number of children? Because we've had instances where children have been on

1:08:04 excursion and a car has been involved in an accident and there were loss of lives. So a parent would naturally be anxious about certain things. What are the school's moral standards, the teachers themselves? Can the parents trust them to travel with their children to such places? And um what is the school's safety record? Have they embarked on such excursions before? And what were the outcomes? Where are they staying? Is it a very good place that they could feel safe against maybe attacks from h robbers or any such social miscreants? What emergency arrangements exist? Does the teenager understand basic safety principles? If all these things have been analyzed and

1:08:50 answered and there's reasonable safeguards in place to ensure that the the child should feel safe and the parent still feels overwhelmingly anxious then it means that the issue is not about um the school not taking the right decisions but the parents own anxiety that is coming to play. That is what I can add to this particular one. Thank you. >> Thank you very much Dr. Kofi. I think >> respectively let let me share a case with you. I think uh is my personal experience. >> I I had just completed fifth form and uh I was the secretary of my village youngsters club. Uh that year we're going to hold a meeting uh with the stakeholders very big people including

1:09:36 the then deputy governor of Bank of Ghana uh Ghana Investment Promotion Center big people. So I thought that this is going to be a very good program where I'm going to showcase myself and probably get some connections and network. When I was ready, my old man said, "Gentleman, where are you going?" He said, "We are not going anywhere. Master, this old man, what's wrong with him? This is an opportunity you want to." In fact, I was I don't want to say I was angry. And then he started telling me stories stories upon stories stories upon stories. So at the point in time in fact I didn't go but it was a decision I took reluctantly

1:10:22 because I have no auction. I I couldn't defy >> oh Dr. I think shortest story. Are you there? Can you hear me now? >> Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah, >> I was supposed to join the bus from the bus. Never get to Kumasi the bus. >> You are supposed to do what? >> Join a bus from that. >> Did you hear that? >> No. >> No. I was just saying that the bus we're supposed to travel with had an accident.

1:11:10 Okay. That is the sixth sense of the old man talking. Eh, >> the old man was spiritual. >> The old man was spiritual. Yeah. The six that that intuition when you get you have to you have to listen to. >> Exactly. >> Yes, we can hear you. The bus can hear you. >> Okay. Thank you. I'm just saying that yes, I have to stay away from that trip and the bus never got to Kumasi. It had an accident. In fact, I never had the courage to tell my daddy what has happened and I don't know whether he ever got to know that the bus had an accident. That meeting never came up. So sometimes as parents we may not have all the answers. I the logic to explain why

1:11:55 we feel the way we feel. If intuitively our emotions sometimes it's you know we live in the spiritual plane it's not everything that is signed. So sometimes uh let let's I I don't know how best to put it but if you are so strongly inclined that this will not go well please let's engage them. In fact, I have to listen to him because I think he cited so many instances and unfortunately that prophecy came to pass and uh that I'm here today probably because I didn't join that trip. >> Yes. Uh [snorts] that intuition is powerful than any other reason when you have it when it hits you is too

1:12:40 powerful to ignore. So I think that that is what happened in your case with the old man. But generally when it is not that intuition and there's that healthy caution or excessive anxiety and you have all the reasons why you you are excessively anxious then I think that all that you have suggested we need to put it into play to reduce that anxiety for us and take the best decision under the circumstance. Okay. Uh case number two. Uh a university bound 18year-old has always had the parents make the most decisions for him.

1:13:26 Suddenly the child has to live away from home. What problems can arise might arise out of this situation? I think that in between our conversations we've we've hit on it but I think this the time to hit on it again baby I'll give this to you because the consulting room is full of stories [laughter] of course yes and these are real things that we face >> there are some students that when it happens that they can't stay in the school >> okay >> yeah That's the one um um chaos. They

1:14:12 become so attached that when you allow them to go and live on their own, almost every day they come back home while the university they don't need as before I realize they are home. You ask them me I can't be with this person they are doing this I can't do that I can't do that. The next thing it's the other side where because you have boxed them now they explode. They have the freedom. They can sleep at any time that they want to sleep. They can go out without you knowing. That is why we say involve them. Manage it everything in moderation. Don't just lower the belt too much and don't also tighten it so much. The

1:14:58 moderation. There are some of them that now they get there and in the absence of the parental attachment where they always have to go when they are not able to go now they begin to attach to their peers and the peer influence and the peer attachment and guidance which some of them may not be of benefit good benefit then brings a lot of issues. So they by all means need validation. They by all need that attachment. They need someone to say that yes mommy is not daddy is not there but they they need someone. So their peers now become the validators. And it's also a dangerous um issue.

1:15:46 So I believe that these are few issues that are likely to come out if we do not manage it well. Thank you. >> Thank you very much Dr. what have you experienced? >> Okay, so this is where I can actually see uh that there is um overp protection or otherwise. If parents have always made decisions for them, then when they are going to such an institution, they even think that the children are still young to make decisions on their own. So they get a bit apprehensive what is going to happen if they haven't managed money themselves. I remember I used to travel with my children sometimes abroad and as young as 5 years old my last daughter

1:16:33 I'll give her her money for um whatever she wanted to buy. The 8-year-old received hers the 11 year old who is the eldest who also receive hers. Then I looked at the way they spend money when they see things. Then I was able to determine their character traits when it comes to spending. Some of them I wouldn't want to mention now will quickly go and buy whatever they need the first outing. Another one will wait and say okay I've seen this let me wait and look at other things. Perhaps I'll get a cheaper one before she spends. Then the last one will also follow the one that takes that decision. So they always be keeping their money till later. the first one or

1:17:18 the middle one will also go and then spend the money quickly and then does it till she realizes that there are newer things that she could have bought at cheaper prices and then she goes fortunately for them uh in UK you could go and then have a cash back return the item then she goes to return the item before she could buy the one she want so I saw how they spend money or manage money then I coach them how they solve problems even from school or at home. What are their problem solving skills? Then you train them and then you guide them as to how to really behave. So it stays with them. Um how they control their schedules. You are to go to church, the time to wake, the time to

1:18:04 bath, get ready and then you don't uh delay daddy because I am a quester. I have to be in church on time. Uh how you intervene in conflicts. Uh there was an occasion myself and my wife we had a good laugh. Our daughter her second born who is now a lawyer young as she was was very hotaded at that time and we went to their speech and prize giving day and she was given an award for being a best behaved student or pupil. My wife looked at me. I looked at her and said ah these people she always is her daughter they have given this award to not knowing that she had two faces at home she is that non-compromising type but at school she was very very gentle solving problems and then intervening in conflict and

1:18:52 it's no wonder today she's a lawyer. So you see as you manage their character traits, their decision m making, their time management, how they manage their money, how they cook and take care of themselves and asking for help and coping with failure, you are able to know how they could be able to stand on their feet or otherwise when they find themselves in such environment. So the problem may be that they were never given enough opportunity to practice interdependence or sorry independence. Parents should therefore start by giving their children some gradual levels of responsibility as they grow. Like madame said, between the ages of 1 to four, you teach them don't do this, don't do that. From the ages of 5 to 13, you then coach them. You may do this after having

1:19:38 performed this duty. Explain the consequence of the actions to them and allow them to take decisions. That's the coaching stage. Then 14 to 18, you are their counselor. You then discuss dangers and safety measures with them and how they can allow uh themselves to uh take their own decision. Sometimes they won't get things right but let them make their mistakes like I said earlier and then learn from it. And then from 18 and above when they are going to the university as in that case study you then act as their counselor and then cheerleader you trust them and release them to act independently and then let them know that you are available whenever they need your help. I believe that if you structure it uh by giving them levels of responsibility as they grow, they will be able to learn and be

1:20:25 on their own when they are 18 and going to the university. Thank you. >> Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I'm pretty sure that uh a lot of us would appreciate what you've just shared with us. Thank you very much. Uh ladies and gentlemen, I think at this stage we are in a good position all of us to uh what is it? Assess or evaluate this program. So I'm sharing a link in our chat box now. It will take you about a minute or two to respond to it. Uh kindly do that for us so that we'll know how this program is going for all of us. It will help us to revise, reform, refine, make this program better. I've

1:21:11 just shared it in a chat console. So, please do that. Let me share it again. Um, yes, just click on it and just respond. In about a minute or two, you should be able to finish. So, uh, whilst we do that, let me read. Now I think that there are a lot of questions in the comment section. So I'll hold on to it so that when we are done with the third case which is the final case then we'll come to the comment section read and respond to the questions there. Then we would open it so that you can do voice uh comments. Then we would end the session as quickly as we can. So please

1:22:02 um Agnes don't worry you'll get it. Uh let me share a link to all our recordings so that when you click on it

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