از انتخاب شریک زندگی تا رابطهٔ جنسی | گفت‌وگوی بی‌پرده با روانشناس (۴۷)

0:00 Today we want to talk a little about a topic. Let's talk very specifically. Not getting married doesn't mean I'll be single for 3 days. Then, what day later, 5 days later, it's going to be to you. I will betray. But what is the trace of the flag? First, in my nature, if someone I would like to have much, much more. I want it physically. One problem with it is that it makes the relationship very difficult. It's romantic. 12 years of living together, neither of them happy. Not being. Do you know why I call women misogynistic? It's a physical relationship. This is called sex. Does it matter how you did it? Imagine if I went in with someone just now. We saw each other's relationship a few times and we fell in love. I want to ask why you broke up? What It was a part of the story of my dear friend, Tanaz, who They have been in regular contact with him for years and

0:47 Do we know each other well? Somewhere in the discussion It's okay if it's high, but you're all You can learn from Tenz and what he said about What kind of person are you looking for? How did you find him? Do you? How to look for red flags? Flag Red is a very bad sign that can happen. See, but we don't look. Talking about sex and 10 other things We had a long conversation, but from someone who Tabatabai University American University of Beirut King's College London and Harvard USA lessons He is educated and has at least 20 years of experience, definitely. You can learn to prepare it from Enjoy this part. Greetings to you, dear Tehnaz, my dear friend and

1:35 My dear, you are very welcome to the open conversation. You should have come in the first episode. But you didn't come. I think this is part 4. Thank you. Please, dear friend, Mr. Mehran. Your donation at Allameh Tabatabaei University In Iran At the American University of Beirut at the University King's College London and Harvard University Read Yes And I introduced everyone I met to you. That you were very kind and usually accepted. You don't take advice from everyone who talks to you. Then he would tell her how different this woman was and At first I would say, well, what's the difference? Shape

2:21 They were explaining and then I realized that you were part of You are one of the few people who, when giving advice to someone, You don't say what one side likes. You say what the other person needs to hear and this Very specifically, please explain this first. I'm not one of the few, there are many. There are many psychologists who are like this. Now maybe people know less. But we have something in psychology that I don't really follow it, that's what they say. It should be very Passive, I hope all the Persian is correct. Sit down and talk to people, I mean, I shouldn't. I'm getting involved in that person's story, that's true, but

3:06 That I should completely separate myself from that person. He can't communicate with me easily. Tell him everything quickly, then I'll help him on his way. So I choose a middle ground. I'll take it and do something else that I never did before. I don't, I hope other psychologists do. I would never do this to someone. Do it or don't do it. We are psychologists. We act like a lamp. A series of paths forward. It is you. Whatever problem arises, this It's quiet, it's dark. You don't see it, or for example You know one, the other three. Don't you know or don't you know if this is half-finished? What happens next? Our job is to Asking you questions and getting to know you.

3:54 Let's clarify. Let me tell you these ways. That is, so that you can reach this conclusion yourself. Well, if I go the middle path, this will be the end. This is the way to go with the last three choices. It's yours. If someone goes to a psychologist and the psychologist He told you directly not to do this unless... That it is a mental illness That they are now clinical psychologists and Then the psychiatrists will tell you this. Do it or don't do it. Otherwise If psychology told you directly, no, friend. It's okay to be intimate. Now you are here. Don't pick up the phone for once, starting tomorrow. Something from me. You ask, I say, Mehran, please, no.

4:40 Then you go and do it, then you come and say, Oh, that's how it happened. How many times has this happened? Has it fallen? Health to all the people of Iran I will. No, let's not be too harsh. Except for a friend Intimate is different, but as a psychologist We don't tell anyone to do this or not. Don't get into this relationship, just guide and You know, sit up straight in the middle of the struggle. The wheelchair is moving, don't move. A mistake that many people make is thinking that They must fail to succeed. And they say the more you fail, the better. You can, if this is completely wrong and In fact, only an ignorant person wants Fail. The goal is not to make you fail.

5:25 Eat. You don't learn from failure. You from What you just said is that flashlight. For example, in football, if something goes wrong, the coach comes. He grabs a flashlight and says, "Look." Gives feedback. And what you were saying was a very good example. It's beautiful. Now let me explain what you said. I Sorry about the podcast, I'm all shaking in my seat. I eat, I love. This chair has wheels. I'll look at the camera, don't move it too much. They're going to end up like these little kids after... A wheelchair for a long time. I turn around, then stand still for a while. People are attacking you now. They are just attacking now. No, now it's one of those places where you say, "Why?" Failure The name failure is wrong, but hey, people are the earth.

6:13 Do we call it a failed experiment or do we say... Experience The word failure is not a good word at all, and that's it. You say, "But sometimes your style of speaking is like this." You want to finish the sentence quickly, I mean you. I understand because I know you, but when You're talking on the podcast because... If you get attacked less, open it more because I I know what you mean, we talked many times. We did it, he says, "Sir, you experience it now." Experience doesn't lead anywhere, again and again. Again and again, this sentence you say, people. Because they didn't hear that part, they think you're saying it. No, you should from the very first time you're leaving. Good luck. Well, you know the problem is that if I I can be alone here with a microphone.

6:58 I'll talk about it for an hour or something. If you were the host and I was your guest, then... I could have had time. The reason I say failure is because These are the words that people hear, the words of Motivational Well, and only you. Wrong words, wrong sentences. You know, and that's why I'm saying reference and That we We fail, we get better, that's absolutely true. If we fail and then have the power Let's see why this happened. Well done, let's use his experience. Tish and, for example, in a relationship, you help. I'm helping you in football, in the picture at all. This podcast has a bad sound from Amir Kemak.

7:44 We get it, that means that's where the power is. Why didn't you tell me not to go? Why didn't you ask Amir for help? First of all, I was recently called misogynistic. Do you know why? What are you doing now? You said Amir. Well, now you know exactly why I said woman. Misogyny Because I did this a few days ago. Israel's attacks on Iran became a story I said, "Dad, is it possible for a person to survive an attack?" To make his country happy? Name of Iran Name of Iran That everyone agrees on. And then at that moment, three or four women spoke. They sent me a dirty message. I screenshot this. I took a shot, but it's not on my Instagram. I posted Dangerous on YouTube once, ladies. Not swearing That was with good intentions, but then the comment came that you Now you're saying that women can't swear.

8:30 Body now But the reason I'm not only not a misogynist Rather, my wife's fan is that you should see now. Before you Anusha Before Anusha Angel before Angel Atefeh and Marsa Yes The 5 guests before me, Dada Dada, were all women. It's really not like that, now you're like... Hey friend, do you want to take this to my other places? I have to return to this discussion. Counseling psychology used to be a taboo subject. For example, when you told someone to go with a The psychologist was talking to the other party, so what? Am I crazy? Talk to a psychologist yourself, but... Now most people I know have a counselor.

9:16 They have a therapist. Today we want to talk a little about a topic. Let's talk very specifically about what everyone's concern is. How do you find the right person? In the past, if you remember, someone would introduce you. He would say, for example, I have a friend, I don't know. I have a cousin and a daughter. Instagram is now the biggest dating app in the world. DM, from this to that, DM. Maiden You are a guest of honor and you invite me here. You talk yourself, you don't let the guest talk. Come on, guest, you should be quiet, not now. I want to go to the place. It's been 5 minutes, so you have questions. Well, now I'm getting somewhere after you 20. Minute Then you won't say anything anymore. Then I have the next question. Okay

10:04 No, it's okay if you want to talk. You say goodbye, I'm leaving, you have the rest. Are you sure? No, well, you asked the question yourself, you said it yourself. I was explaining the failure and that's it. It was decided that it was my fault, meaning you were never to blame. You are not new. How many people are watching you now? Done Let's get to the question that I'm asking you, if you'll allow me. Let me ask you a question, if you'll allow me. Excuse me. I want This is what people do now. It's hard to find the person you have in mind. Kenan Now I know what I'm saying now. Can you explain to me about it? Please start wherever you like. How can we get that person? Find our opinion. First, we have different feelings in the relationship.

10:52 We have that they usually get mixed up. We have love, we have desire, we have love. We have. Wanting is what When I see someone, I say this wrong thing. The mistaken belief that I have one heart, not 100 hearts, is so I saw a person and fell in love with him. Oh, what love is like this? It's not easy, love takes time, that's it. It's time for you to come to an understanding with that understanding. This feeling of wanting to go so high that it becomes Love, this love in the real world, now love. Mystical and here we have love. We also have Shams and Rumi, they are different. Love is the earth that we humans live on. We do it, it takes time and knowledge like this.

11:38 What we thought in the first stage will not happen. We see, I see Mr. EXO, I feel I'm pretending to be in love with her. It's not love, it's asking for it. I want too much to do with superficial things. It means I see you from the way you dress. Your clothes are from the model, your body is from the model. Your behavior, your voice, your literacy, all of this. Overall, I really like this. You came strong. A desire for a good feeling creates dopamine in me. It makes me want to see you more. I will be in touch with you again soon. Get to know you The more we pass this stage, the more I I see you in my various situations if you

12:26 I've seen it 100 times in 6 months, every time with Let's go to a coffee shop and have a cup of coffee. Let's eat, my knowledge of you is the same as It's the first time, it either stays or goes. I will see you in different positions. I know this now, I know this now, I love you now, or you love me? I have this, for example, every time we go. Out for lunch, not dinner, you're missing out on something good. Giving, dear, is very happy, very sad. We've been there a lot, we've seen this guy here like this. The reaction shows here like this, here. I don't need all these reactions like this. Okay, okay. Hey, you told me to come forward, but I didn't come forward. It was necessary after all.

13:11 It's not like all of this is good because we are a package. That we have positives and negatives as long as we are in the right place. Let me weigh the scales positively, okay? And this recognition will never be complete because I I can see you in different situations. But for all these years, I can't, for example. Let's go and have a baby with Mr. X first. Is this person responsible when I have a child? Does it exist or not? Do some things remain? For the next one means the ultimate recognition of a 50th recognition. 60 dinars Now this recognition is increasing and to that The things in my brain eat away at my beliefs. Loving with her becomes more loving. If it gets bigger, I want the next steps.

14:00 I'm looking for a person for a first-time relationship. I need to clarify what I want from someone. I want what I want, I want a relationship like that. We don't have much feelings for each other, but We just have fun together. We have moral similarities. I want someone. If only I could enter the loving phase. My heart is broken and you don't talk at all, you don't want to. Don't say anything in the middle. Keep going. Enter the loving phase. With the intention of getting married I'm looking at one. These are very close together. It's different. Because the things I'm looking for I'm looking for something different. I want to get in touch. I'm like a young 20-year-old kid, a 20-year-old boy.

14:46 Year old. I don't think you should be upset now. I mean Not all people. Many at the age of 18 They are ready to get married, but it rarely happens. Most men under 3 and 4 are ready to get married. Why don't they have yet to reach emotional and psychological maturity? Not arriving Their opinions will change, by God your opinions will change. That is, what you are at the age of 24. Do you want it at the age of 35? Don't you want it later? You're annoying me. You're annoying me. I want a 20 year old boy to be with someone. Let's be. I don't want to betray you. I don't want to. I go from relationship to relationship, but I don't intend to get married.

15:33 I don't have it. I want to have fun. Have a nice day. It doesn't mean doing unconventional things or anything like that. What does that mean? Times when I have free time and You have free time to do things that We enjoy it together. Maybe we're both from We both went to the mountain and loved watching movies. We love to travel, we love to party, and We like to dance, we like to go to coffee shops. Many people love going to restaurants. Whatever they like, it's the same, but this is very different. Where should I look for that person? It doesn't matter if I'm online or what you say. Instagram is okay now. The world has become such that social networks

16:20 Coming to work is unlike anything in the past. So It doesn't matter that I'm in these special places. Sites that call themselves Persian dating sites I think he's either looking for a wife or on social media. Meet someone I'm talking about now. We do what shouldn't happen, but What is my intention? Maybe I'm coming here for the same things. He likes what I like, I'm a sports fan. And Jim, he's a mountaineer and he loves to travel. I like my appearance. I send him a direct message and he responds. We start to push forward a favorite person. Is it or is it not? Is the next person now or not? It doesn't matter if it's Instagram or somewhere else. There's nothing wrong with that, but if I want to...

17:07 I want to get to know someone better. I want to enter a It's okay if I get into a serious emotional relationship. I want to start Instagram, but I have to immediately. To see your partner means a relationship that starts virtually. If he doesn't meet you soon, he will definitely come to you. It creates problems, why don't you use virtual people? You see, you don't know what this person is like at all. Or is it not there at all, with all these filters and all that? You don't know what's going to happen to you now. It's different from what you have in the picture. You see. Then suddenly you feel like you're emotionally involved in your taste. You see someone, not all at once, and suddenly you like their style. I don't like the way he talks, the tone of his voice, the way he eats.

17:54 And you get stuck because of the emotional conflict on the other side. No I'm talking about situations that could lead to my marriage. Now where can you find different ones? One of them is the networks. Socially, one is that the family's workplace Places where I can do the things I love. There is a mountain on a day when the mountain is crowded. He goes mountain climbing and says, "Let's go to the coffee shops." I'm speaking for Iran, but that's enough. Street shops that are crowded with children They go around, these are all ways to meet. If there are no more parties and gatherings, I I am a more traditional person, my family culture allows it. It doesn't matter if it's family or social media or

18:40 I'll take a painting class, a music class, go to a concert, I go to the theater, I go to the cinema, Like the Revolution Club, everyone walks through Fridays. They are going to the Revolution Club to meet someone. Let me see if I like it, just like it after Let me start there, on this block that is there. I like it, now you're making it go up. You write points, you criticize me for... I could ask you. Oh, please. Please. How many tips? You said something good about that long-distance relationship. Long distance relationship Now that you've said it in English, they say he wanted to say it. Speaks English I told you no. No, don't say it in English at all. What's the point? Well, no, it's okay, because it's very Sometimes we want a spark to ignite, but if...

19:26 Let's not say that I completely agree with everyone who comes here. Before I say it, please speak Persian. One problem with it is that it makes the relationship very difficult. It's romantic. That's exactly why I'm saying it has to be quick. Let's see each other, this is very important. Since 5 months 6 months 7 months I want a relationship It usually doesn't work more than 80. Times when a relationship has gone on for too long Virtual doesn't work unless both parties are the same age. It's too high, I'm 40, maybe 45. It's the year I know exactly what I want. That's a little different, otherwise not. So next question. And the next point you were saying was, for example, you said I don't know how to climb, Enqelab Cross Club.

20:13 Painting In fact, I say for example, I say for example, I am an example that I like, for example, the person who I would like someone who is an athlete. Well, the chances are that this person Should I find a gym or vice versa? If I want to be someone who loves to party Okay Not exactly. So you have no problem with us on the street. Can we find someone? No, what's wrong? As long as you're quick. He should do his homework, not be on your street. If you see me, come and give me your number in 3 months. Let's just talk on the phone, even phone calls. Unfortunately, everything progresses very quickly and Wow, if it's night and all that, he'll go away.

21:00 On a path that creates a lot of conflict. Maybe I'll tell you later, you'll see me somewhere. Do you see how much his behavior bothers me? Does it bother you or bother you? Did he go or, for example, what kind of clothes is he wearing? People say this, but we're not sensitive. These are words that are not very true, people. These things are sensitive, it's our nature. He likes order and beauty, maybe more character. Someone so great that we can see them in the future. We're not saying this handsome person is used to that face. We do it and it's so good that I can't stop. I don't see that bad thing, not that I mean you. You're not there, you're not there, don't be upset later, you're fine. Let's say this is the beautiful side.

21:46 Okay, but what matters to us is what side it is. He is eating. What about me? You think you know me at all. We are very flexible people, but think about it with someone. Should I be friends or enter into a relationship? Let's go eat. He's eating, a little with every spoon he eats. Pour it on yourself, pour it on the table, now this. Maybe the behavior can be changed to some extent later. After he eats. Let the wind out of his stomach, then, for example, with his hand. Who can brush his teeth in this situation? If he likes it, then he says no. That's great. How flexible should we be then? I'll give you an example. I'll give you an example. I'm not going to say when, I said last year.

22:33 I went to have tea with a woman. We ate. He was doing this right now because I know everyone, they correct me, they are afraid. Suddenly yes We had tea with a very beautiful lady. And I always say that a person's task is determined by himself. Okay, now I'm talking about this video. We won't let it go viral, those who They understand the entire conversation. For example, beauty is very important to me. That means I'm clear on my own responsibilities. Ah I don't want to lie to myself and this lady. Very beautiful, very polite. Everything is great and we are together. We went to Vevel right there and sat down for tea. If you don't tell me the exact location now, I'll just kidnap your podcast.

23:18 Look, it's going to be sad, let someone think about it. What else is this? Well, I told him, I know I told him. You told him you did something bad. No, why did you honestly ask me what happened? No, he's upset about this now. We are all talking sincerely about one thing. You don't tell someone straight away that So, he asked me what should happen. Now we're talking about it, please. You went and ate, then what happened next? You had tea and then this lady, who is a lady It was an African who came to ask me how everything was. Okay, when he said okay, I said yes, thank you. Let me bring you some tea again, again now. Maybe you'll laugh and then luckily this lady of mine I was looking at him, he's like this on his phone. was And he told this lady, "No, I'm not tea."

24:05 I don't want to. Can you believe all her beauty in that moment? Mrs. It jumped out of my mind. I mean, I said that there. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is... Someone who doesn't need it. Very polite to me. It was. You know, and this is unconscious behavior for me. It was important. Very good person. Wonderful person. Good morning But I don't want to be with someone like that. I will be. Now Do you know where this discussion is going? Because one or two things are not enough. It's enough for me to say that it only has a beautiful side. It is not. It's enough for me to just say I love him. Not for a long-term relationship. The method is made. Short communication is different.

24:50 Everything is different. Many things are important in it. It is not. A connection that is going to get somewhere or It won't get anywhere, but it will be long. I want We will be together for 5 years, 6 years, 7 years. Intention I am not married to you. Sorry, short. You meant he was only 5-7 years old. No, I mean short, I mean short, under 2 years. I'll keep it short, even if it's long, but I intend to. If there is no marriage, I will tell you to come. We could be in a relationship, but I never want to. Marriage with you won't lead to marriage, somewhere. This will end, but we may go another 4 years. Even in that relationship where you're not supposed to be, what years? Will this love be empty until marriage? Just because he looks good, that's not enough. Things have to be right to keep that connection.

25:38 It depends on where I want to go. If I want to marry someone one day, definitely. What matters to me is whether this person is a good father. Or why would I love a child if both sides are the same? She is the best wife in the world, the best ever. God has a son who is one of His children. You said her son could be the best husband. Remember But he doesn't have the responsibility of being a father. This is not enough at all in my opinion. Our relationship It's not going anywhere. The other side is very pretty but very rude. Okay. Always wanting my self-confidence and dignity. Take my breath away. That's not enough. She's beautiful. Very educated, but no manners at all. Socially, he doesn't know anything and isn't willing to do anything.

26:24 Learn because his ego is too big. A series Something that should be for a long-term relationship. That desire must be, responsibility. It should be, flexibility should be, it's over. It should be, forgiveness and flexibility. That means I'm not upset with you at all. I want to pass by later, or I will see my eyes or I will reject. I'm out of luck. Passing means doing something. I am relative. I don't have any flexibility with it like this. Madam, I close my eyes to you now. You did it. So many other things. I'm saying, "Let it go now, it's a problem." No. This is actually that scale, let's throw it again. A series of good things Yes, flexibility, but you asked what it means.

27:10 This means I'm getting a few things right. It's like I'm a soft dough, you're here now. You put your hand in, you press, it goes away later. It comes out again, no pain, no problem. It's bothering me because I love you so much. I will walk with you, I will take shape like water. We pour this into this glass, formin into this. Formin in this Formin, this doesn't mean this. That I have no personality or character other than myself Different What happened so quickly? I haven't attacked yet. No, really, thank you for what you're saying. You know, this relationship discussion is very important. And one of the reasons I... I didn't talk about it. The first thing was that I wanted to take psychology, which I accepted.

27:57 I have And two, I was afraid of you. That if we bring someone else, you'll set fire to it. I'm kidding here. Now about the relationship. I had more than 500 cases myself. We see a lot of cases during our studies. There are many around us and I am very human. Precisely on the connections around the people around you. I've been like this since I was a kid. This is so very, very weird. A lot [Music] I say this very sincerely, not just For our own country, for everywhere in the world, especially In today's world, if someone really doesn't want children...

28:44 Marriage doesn't mean much, it's irrelevant. Not getting married doesn't mean I'll be there for 3 days. After 4 days, then 5 days, it's going to be to you. I'm not going to cheat on you. We have many relationships. 15 years with no one, no one betrayed anyone. Didn't sign a Rome paper. Now this is a very, very long discussion. It's another time, but unfortunately, the signature on this paper Not just in Iran, but all over the world. One of the good things about relationships is... They're moving this forward, I'm moving back. The good relationships they have with each other lead to this. It stirs, it destroys, and it's really necessary. Not unless it's a child, because a child should be

29:31 The task should be clear and have a certain level of security. Mother and father are certain. Many people are saying, "No, if" No, okay, okay, no, because there are many issues. It's legal, but if you and I are together... Okay, let's never have children or not, or something. We got married a long time ago. We broke up once, now we're in a relationship again. We started anew, why get married again? Are we children? When we don't want children, these are the legal things that Patching it will cause problems from the very beginning. This marriage where I am a young girl and you are a young boy. I'll come and sit down. I love you too. But I'll start the discussion by saying, well, dowry. How much do I mean somewhere in my mind?

30:17 My family hasn't started yet, I'm still waiting. I think it's going to end and I have to To be supported Oh well, what a start. I shouldn't do this at all. Then you, the man, suddenly get a guard who... I love this so much, isn't this for me? He doesn't trust me, God forbid. If something happens to me, is this my character? I'll open the door, let the person out, and close the door. Then, in this system, your defenses come up, meaning... From the very beginning, just one sentence, one thing. It starts ruining what started well. Now, I don't really want to get into the discussion. It's long but really pointless unless...

31:03 The issue with children is completely different. Question Next Everything you say raises a whole bunch of questions. It does. Well, come on. Is it true that we should ask before we Let's find the person we want, create a profile for them. Shall we fix it? Look, I kind of depend on my interests and tastes. And my beliefs and the things I grew up with. What Like it or not, I have a profile like this. It's not like I'm making a decision now. Let me start the conversation, let me go sit down and create a profile. I saw my aunt, I saw how she lived. I respect him very much, model. I accept raising a child like that since childhood.

31:49 My aunt has a special place with me. A bunch of cactuses come in one of these. The files based on which I want a wife I chose it because I saw that this method worked. I saw this woman, she has these characteristics. How successful are you in your work, my friend? This is how it is, this is how it is, how much does it have to do with His wife is good because she is independent. He's going to make another piece like this. It's not like I can say it now, well, I'm done now. I'm 34 years old and I want to get into a serious relationship. I'll come and write. This is not a model, they are a whole bunch of them. You are wrong, for example, a woman of my generation who is with Kartney. Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty

32:35 We are done. I always say this. It's a very smart marriage that is done, it's a cartoon It's over, it won't show what happens next. What's this? They cause trouble. We imagined that a man would come and kill us. He rides a white horse and takes her away, and she A man's job is to fulfill all my desires. And the wishes and things I want to achieve and from Support me and don't let the water in my heart move. Then it's just my wife who's not supposed to be dead. He is my husband, he is my close friend, he is the father of my children. The box is my secret chest, my protector is my father. How much work can one person do?

33:20 A long time ago, I was very fond of this model. Unlike now when everyone wants to break up quickly. I love this model so much, it's a hassle. They have their own, but this house is old. Which has a large area in the middle, then everyone It has its own room, hall, and bathroom, for example. A large kitchen, a group living together. They were spinning, meaning if I were with my husband now There was a fight, I would go to this room. For example My brother-in-law's wife started complaining about me later. He would say something and it would be solved, I won't say everything. I really wanted to go out. Instead of hiring a nanny, she'll take care of my baby. There were 20 people in that house holding the baby. They had My wife wanted to go on a trip with 10 people.

34:07 They have me and my life. That means a group was doing something. Now I want all of this to come together in one. Someone and that little kid do all these things. It doesn't make sense at all. My husband has to be very I am comfortable with my wife, but my wife never He can't be a close friend. I never said a few things to my wife. I can't hit. I shouldn't hit. I am fighting with my sister. I shouldn't come and sit. I'll tell my wife that my sister did this, He did this, he did this. This is wrong. Because I will see my sister in 2 days, 3 days later. I forgive. This is the best I've ever had. Migma. If my wife isn't a type that later... If he wants to use it against me, my wife.

34:54 Okay, he loves me passionately. My wife My sister won't forgive me for what I did to her. I did it. I drew a black line on the relationship. My wife and my sister. I ruined the relationship. This I have to go tell my best friend. I tell the counselor when I have a problem with my sister. I have, if pain and heartache are a simple inconvenience You can talk to a friend about it. More serious No. I'm going to Mehran. My sister got injured. He did it like this. He did it like this. You say, "Dad, now, for example." My sister does this too. My brother too. If you do this, it will end. Mehran Baradar will go. No, because I'm giving an example, I'm saying it's over. Is it possible that my wife is not my friend or is my wife dating? It's not possible for me to achieve all my dreams, so I'll do it myself.

35:40 What have I been doing all my life? I just sat at home. I slept like a father, had lunch and dinner, and... I went to university and got a degree. Now my wife. This one guy is going to do all the work. It's unfair. that Now, ladies, I'll explain on behalf of my husband. Don't be upset, I'm a big fan of men's rights. I'm not in the middle, neither gentlemen nor ladies, everyone. People Then I'll come and tell you to do everything, everyone. Pay the expenses, I have nothing to do with this. No, I'm a worker, breakfast, lunch, dinner, right? So what should you do? Or how much should you discuss the task? It's going to other places like this, if...

36:26 I'm supposed to do nothing, no responsibility. I don't have to do everything, Dad. Oh my God, this poor guy is the son of a family. I struggled to raise her as a mother when she was a girl. I have a son, it's a bit of a hassle for them to mate. I wonder why someone would come and do everything for someone else. Turn it off. Or vice versa, the wife works outside the home. People work because the wheel of life is one. It doesn't work, they both have to work to pay rent. Make the house bigger, the car bigger. Better do it later, Mr. He puts on his pajamas and sits in front of the TV. He's watching football, little girl, go away. Kitchen, prepare food, do the children's work. Do it, talk to them, pack their bags.

37:11 This is unfair. My 3 days, your 3 days, if not, I will pay. I'll put it in my own pocket if I'm going to leave, Mrs. I'll work outside, you guys work together. Let's pay the bills and then I'll come home. I should do the housework, so my salary is mine. Why should I help you if you don't help me? You help me help you. It doesn't make sense. One of the good points of this conversation is that 60 of our audience are between 16 and 35. Their birthday How great! And I even believe they are under 16 because We can't select under 16s on YouTube.

37:57 Let's do it. And these conversations we have are very important to them. It helps because usually someone is this frank. He doesn't want to say these things we say and I do. I emphasize the points we are making about A meaningful relationship Exactly Not how to find someone later. That's okay, I said it was a short-term relationship. It's normal that many things don't matter. There is a desire in it. I want you. Our tastes are similar to the things we like. It's starting to look like it's all going to be okay after a while. Relationships aren't meant to last, this is a problem. Hello to everyone else we have. We do Unfortunately, we have a misconception that this The relationship should last until the end, and this is what happens if I know from the beginning that not everyone is going to Relationships are okay, even very long relationships.

38:44 Meaningful, I'm starting to feel really good. You see, after 20 years, 25 years will be over. The meaning of a relationship is not from the beginning to the end. I will come in a white dress, I will go in a white dress. It's a false belief, no problem. No, I'm not a failure, it's called experience, it's called Life is basically a life I've lived for 20 years. You have lived this life for a reason. I can't continue this life anymore. It was great and a very good experience. It's over here. It's been a season. How beautifully you said, "Welcome to a new season." And I want to say this, there is a lot and this story It's not like you're going to Iran at all, what about you? You know better than I do one of the problems that

39:29 The kids are getting older, but they can't. Go tell someone, for example, I like you. Why is this wrong? Especially because Girls think that if I go after someone and Tell him. I am breaking. Haven't we become feminists for several years now? Hey, we're shouting on all the speakers, we're the same. We are gentlemen, everything is the same, gentlemen, all rights. Equal to this, equal to that, equal to that, so why always? Come on, tell me, if you are really a feminist. Do you agree that everything you do is like that of a gentleman? I disagree. I love women very much and support their rights. I am, but even though we are the same as men and We agree on everything, absolutely and completely.

40:14 I am not. But it's not limited to women, even men. Right now, they're telling me a lot that I... I can't go out with a woman to a girl I like. Coming Why is the worst thing that can happen sometimes? What do you think is the worst that could happen? I'll come and tell Mr. X that I'm very happy. I like you. I want more of you. Let me know. Mr. Yeksim looks at me, for example. The worst case scenario is laughing with his friend, for example. Sit down and say something. They know me, his friends know me. Does anyone there even know me? A friend. It's my best friend who knows everything about me. It doesn't fit, it's not supposed to fit me at all. See what the problem is, this is the worst case scenario. This usually doesn't happen, but if this

41:01 I won't do the work if it stays behind me. This will haunt me for the rest of my life. Because I'm getting married, then this boy is the one. I saw him there the other day, or maybe I talked to him for a while. I liked it a lot and never looked back. I didn't get it. If I had told him, if it would have happened like this, if It could have been one more bite, but it was not. Worse, we Mehran, whatever the number of ifs. May our lives be less in all cases, people. Happier, more comfortable, and more at peace. We are, the more this ifs, the more We are annoyed. How are you in your chair anyway? Won't you move? Do you come here often? I have 42 episodes of experience, you first.

41:48 Well, now we've seen someone we like. Eyes Took He got it. Our hearts were with him, how did we communicate with him? Shall we establish? Well, of course, first you have to give a phone number. And after every four times, it becomes five times. I can talk on the phone and see and visit. Visits and visits in different locations around you Oh my God, don't go to the coffee shop together, go to the restaurant. Go outside, go to the mountain. If the family is the kind that allows it, like now. Still in smaller cities of Iran and Cities are not the place to travel. Can you go to places where group travel is possible? Not alone, get together and travel together.

42:33 The other person is feeling better on the phone after a while. He understands that the day he feels bad is not the day. It's a shame to catch him and hurt him. It was better to see it out of curiosity, not out of fear. Ask about his condition and see when he is sad. He's angry, how can he answer you? He's coming at all. Outside, this person is a person who needs time. Is he having a breakdown after he faints? No, he doesn't trust you. This is how we start getting closer and something I don't know about the physical relationship anymore. Why we love Let's not force the facts or talk about it. Let's not talk. It is completely wrong to say that someone who

43:21 He loves me, but he doesn't want me physically at all. What do you mean he doesn't want me physically? This is first of all In my nature, if you love someone, I have to be much, much more physical. I want it. Can I love it or not? Friend I mean, having emotions. No, don't say it now. A mother loves her child. We have these things about her. Emotional relationships between males and females We do. When I'm in a romantic relationship with someone I love you, the more I love you, the more I love you. My desire for it increases with it. That I decide to go with you for specific religious and cultural reasons. He asked me not to do anything and not to touch you.

44:07 And I will respect what you want to keep. It can be different with you for 3 months, 4 months, 6 months. I have nothing to do, but that's not it. I don't want to, I want to, I'll stop it, this is the first one. Secondly, there are limits. If I were with you, I want a long-term emotional relationship that Whether it's 6 months or 9 months, that's why we We say if you are planning to get married and Are you a more closed family? Between 6 months and Clear your homework for a year or else. Things happen that bother you, why am I? People, how much control does Mehran Jan have over a man? You yourself are dead, one month, two months, three months. Now, let's leave aside the discussion of masturbation and that.

44:53 How good is it that this is even possible? Well, 6 months later, you suddenly see a woman, it's me. Do you like this job? I'm already tired of it. You were in a relationship, you experienced it, you can't say I I'll just do this for 3 years. I won't touch him, then he'll know you left. If you do something to someone, their trust will be broken. My trust has been broken, I need to end that relationship. He kissed the door and put it aside, so he has time. If I were your girlfriend, I would be your boyfriend. I don't want to have a physical relationship, that's great. I can be with someone for 6 months, 9 months, a year. To be a friend. The next person, if I'm thinking about it myself. Am I kidding myself that this is The person is with me and doesn't touch me, except I'm not with anyone else, it's hard.

45:40 I'm wrong. 6 months, 9 months, 1 year. Yes, we have exceptions. Maybe a boy can do it 3, 4 years ahead. Get yourself. We always have exceptions, but There are fewer than 5 of them and everyone says no. Mine is 500, it's wrong. How much knowledge did you have in that moment that you don't even know now? You found me, for example, a lady in the club. You found it. Well You had coffee with him, so why did you go out with him? Things you should do Pay attention to it. Be careful when you speak, ask, and answer. I have something to ask here, but... The first thing you liked, so you went out, is that How much of his thinking is similar to yours?

46:29 Well, it's easy to understand with a question, but that's my opinion. This is your opinion about the world. It's different. I believe that it should be plural, for example. You made it better, you think not. I have to live day by day, I can't afford to collect anything. And there's nothing to build and all this, my child, very fast. I want you, you don't want children at all. You're not getting married, I'm in love now. Then there are a few religious things. I always eat out when it comes to taste. You absolutely hate eating out. No matter how much you love me, be flexible. Maybe once or twice a week. I can't ask 7 days a week when I start. About the tastes of the people you love.

47:16 He doesn't have a priority, what is his priority? My priority is myself first, then you, then the child. Later, myself, later, you, first, it's all my business, then Myself, then my health, for example, my mother, my father, and many others. It's important that we are both on your side. These are the next issues, I believe, I believe, what is belief? I really like it, I've been doing it since the beginning. They came to me saying, for example, that I had a case of marriage. My problem now is whether to give it to this gentleman or to I told this lady that I would be separated from my family. I am not. I will not emigrate. Never leave Dubai. I'm not going. This is a belief that I have to live with for a while.

48:02 That my parents are alive where they are in prison I will be. You should ask about this from the side. Let's do it. My religious beliefs were once so I am flexible. You, I pray, I fast, I'm all about the head, you like the length of the dog You can't bring it home, even if you have a dog. I don't care if you don't have any alcohol. You eat it for me, I'll tell you what I do. My own work is so important, it's so heavy. No, but there is a time when I will talk about it. I won't do it and then I can't stand it at all. These are the things you should definitely talk about first. Let's talk about some things. I need to be careful. Behavioral things are not something I ask of you. Let me ask you, when you are in a group, one person He says something, "You don't like it, what are you doing?"

48:49 I'll take you to the meeting. A group with all kinds of people in it. Yes. Let's see how you react. I'm invited to a gala, like you're going to. You get awards, you get this, you get that. I'll take her to that gala, how will she dress? It's true that it might be a bad thing for me, but... If I'm serious with someone, I take serious risks. Another. How will I dress when I take him there? How is his behavior? I'm taking something. You can see it on his face. He can't be happier. He's taking care of himself. A servant of God I was talking to has broken up. I said that we were talking about an example. He told me, "I'm just like you said." He said, "I am not a religious person at all." And my partner was very religious and unwilling to

49:37 Remember, it was like we had a Friday. I should think about one of these prayers, Imam. I should have something like this up in the house. Okay, and he said, "After 6 or 7 months, I'll be fine." I did, I mean, no, this could have been shortened, no. But he will take back everything I gave him. Pour this on this table and say that Better, and something is happening now, in the middle of our conversation. Sometimes we think we can handle it. It means that people shouldn't think that this friend's power is It's like everything comes my way. I am beautiful, 2 years old, and 1 year old. I really need to be honest with myself. Can I tolerate this for the rest of my life? I can or I can't stand it. Someone who can

50:23 Be patient, a person in love. Not necessarily. Love his wife. This love is possible with us. We also started a business. I love him. I know that whatever bad things happen to me is from you. I will tolerate it. Maybe I love my children. Any A truck has passed me by 20 times. Maybe because I love children, I don't talk either. I love myself, but this love is one of those loves that I say it has nothing to do with love and recognition. This is on a whole other level, it's going to Levi. Relatively mystical, you are important, your happiness is important. Your and my priorities don't matter, this is it. Kindness is different from self-esteem and pride. It's very, very different not to have people who have this.

51:10 The people who make the decision are not necessarily the same people. They have a special complex. It makes a lot of difference. Red flag You said yourself, don't say English, don't say Red Flag. What is a red flag, actually, in general? Because for everyone For example, for me it was that the lady was with him. When yes Do you remember that you even prepared a drink? Look at him and say no thanks, that's a red flag for me. It was, for example. Now, I didn't ask you any questions before. Was that a red flag to begin with? You're all asking questions. How can you not ask questions? Was that a red flag? Yes 100 Why? Because you are one of these people. That with people lower than you, from above

51:56 You are kinder than yourself. This is like The same Imam's prayer that you said was broadcast for an hour. Okay. Close your eyes once, twice, three times, and You are also a person who loves someone who You want it to be with you everywhere all the time. You're not a type, I like you, I like you. Come on, you're here now, so sit over here. He is doing his job. And if it's not like this, your whole relationship will fall apart. To each other. So for you this is a flag. Red. The red flag means something to us. It gives a sign. Like a red light above They're building us up to be careful, be careful. Basha. There is an alarm here. It's different for everyone and we really appreciate this.

52:42 Very quickly, I always say, people think I do. They all have a psychologist inside them. The psychologist may not be very strong, but he is sensitive. He understands many things. We humans We don't value our feelings as much as we should. We see each other a lot. I'm with you now. I went outside and saw two or three things. You are coming. We live with my mother, my sister, my brother, and We're having dinner, two or three of us. We fool ourselves. Hey, I say. No, he did this today because it was morning. This is how the company had become a fight for... Just with this outfit, otherwise he would have changed. It's the second time, not today, but with his friend.

53:27 He had gone out and came straight from there. Suddenly, he got angry at me and yelled at me. Because of these things that give you this feeling that It shouldn't happen and it's happening to you, God forbid. Because of this love. Don't sweep it under the rug or cover it up because later. That's all. The problem is, these are the things that a person... He'll follow it and be more precise later. You realize that this guy is like this. I'll be honest, Mehran, if he makes a mistake, I'll accept it. He doesn't, or Mehran completely agrees with Tehnaz. He asks, but she doesn't listen. He has a problem, as you say. 6 months, 9 months later, just like that, I accepted Mehrano. I'm not saying I won't show my German photo if I see you.

54:13 I agreed with my friend, next time you come. If you ask me, I will answer you, I won't say Mehran. You didn't listen the first, second, and third time. Now, sometimes the joke becomes serious, what's the point? You ask me, I won't tell you, you are a thousand times. Ask me, I'll tell you again because I love you. This is average, with the same format you have. You're welcome, I accepted it, I'll say it again, reaction. I don't show the reaction when I I didn't see this or I saw it myself. I didn't bring it or I didn't give it enough time. I'm starting to react, react, react. Photo Well, I know that this is a sign for everyone. Now I'll tell you a few of my red flags.

54:58 I didn't ask you, but because you love me so much. Say, say. No, because it's a little funny. I don't think so, but you think so too. Mehran likes to talk about himself. Don't bother him too much with the comments, I'll eat it now. Let him talk about himself on the podcast. For example, one of them is talking loudly. A loud voice for us, Red Flag, I don't care at all. I can't talk to someone who is yelling. Or something that might be funny right now. Someone who kicks with his feet, this sitting down They are stepping. Well, now you've seen a lot of this, for example. Sitting with his legs crossed and just like that. Don't clean your dirty feet. These are the things that Now it's a matter of taste. Well Which might be important to me and some others, but so what?

55:44 There is a red flag, what red flag is there? Tell me when you see it. It's one of the most important things. This is when the other party is talking to us. Not about what happened to us anymore. Much worse, nothing is ever his own fault. Someone who always blames either the traffic or the world. It's either his fault, he wasn't lucky, or his mom and dad. I am the one who accepts responsibility. I don't and I have a very, very big ego. I have. This is clearly evident in your speech. I wanted to go to Ina University, but... It happened like this, it happened like this, but it happened like this. I mean, it's my fault I wanted this car. I'd buy it, but like this, like this, like this.

56:29 I wish it was used a lot. I really wanted to use a bad word. If you do something You want to do this, do it. If Don't talk about it anymore. I wanted to do this. Well, this is it now. What difference does it make to me? You You wanted to celebrate my birthday, didn't you? What are you talking about? Are you saying to tell me? I'm making this worse, better. It doesn't matter if you wanted to, you didn't do it because we didn't do anything. We will find what we want and do it. We will give. This is a red flag, a very red flag. Another big lie. There are many different kinds of lies. It's not always bad, sometimes it's very necessary. I always say that a little child of 10 years old Still very emotional.

57:17 [Music] He is both attached to us and dependent on us. Nothing at all means everything in the world is fragile. He hears something, for example, he tells me. Mom, you're dying, I'll just take care of the baby here. Sit at the table in front of me, yes, my beautiful daughter. You know we all have lives, but I'm the one Well, this kid is going to be a total mess. Things are falling apart inside you that you can fix. It's not like I'm one of these pillars. I ruined it, I left it crooked, now that it's gone It doesn't show that in 20 years, it shows that People, speak your mind, not in this childish language. Let's say no, it doesn't have a special language at all. Children under 5 Years, 6 years, he hasn't reached that level of maturity that I want to explain the subject of death to him. This

58:04 Talk to any good psychologist about this. He tells you. If I say no, don't say it back now. What does that mean? Let's not say the child is sitting here, insisting that He knows how I can tell him. I'm lying, I'm telling you. No, my father, my mother, we are not family at all. We are not dying, everyone is alive. Don't you see, Mom? How big are you? With these big guys, we are not at all. Death is not ours, he understands it himself. Or am I something more tangible? I am a close friend of a woman. This woman is mine. Sorry, I'm rambling here and there, I'm used to it. I'll put my foot on the floor, then this, then this, somehow. I'll turn the chair so that I can be a close friend. Mrs. This lady came and told me that today I...

58:52 A certain high school friend who is very close to each other. We were friendly and friendly. He's coming from America to Dubai in two or three hours. He is here, then he is going to Iran. I am going. I'll meet him at the airport. He's my best friend. He said, "Why, if he suddenly gets stuck, I'll be careful." For example, if it's okay with his children, I'll go on vacation. Follow them. My wife is a person who is sensitive to these issues. Nothing is going to happen. I can't go and tell him that I love this person. I have a history with him, yes, together. We're connected. I want to go sit for 2 hours now. He told me to eat enough, and I told him to look. For example, Mrs. X is better off as your wife. He doesn't know that he will get into trouble later, that is, as a

59:38 I gave him the right advice, my friend. Did you make the right or wrong decision? His wife suspects something, she'll find out later. You can see I went looking for the kids. He tells me that Tenz Do you know where it is? He told me to tell him to go. I am also a very honest person, and I am very He's not lying at all. They have 3 children, yes. Mehran, you know what? To be honest, you remember. Alireza Rou Go and kill Alireza, what is this? To say I was very mean and a lie I'm not saying throw away a life with 3 kids.

1:00:23 Our job is not to educate people. There is a teacher for this, not a judge. There is a judge and a jury, our job is communication. Establishing and loving people is a guide. If we have any questions. I don't want to get close to you. I don't love you. But I don't necessarily have to get close or I want to educate you from a distance, educate you from work. Your mother was your father. If you don't do your job, society will be in trouble. Your boss will train you in a group setting. At university, your professor trains you. It's not me.

1:01:09 What was the question? Did you even go here? Red Flag Ah, one red flag is that the other party is lying and Constant and persistent lies about things Small because that means he's told big lies too. And this will be done with a white lie or a lie. The benefits of these are different, why should I? To lie Another thing is that the character is very big, the person who has character He is very big and always talks about himself and The things he has done and the things he has done to him He speaks when he is mature, which means he never Enough space for this one, I guess. He wants to come, but he won't be in this relationship. It's always about you, your problems, your discomforts. You are family, you are progress, you are a place for us.

1:01:56 It is not. These are the signs of a flag that you should pay attention to. Let's do it. The rest is a matter of taste. John, in these relationships that begin, there is a lot of Sometimes there are questions about the past. Not at all Past relationships. What a good question you asked. Absolutely not. The me you see here now is the finished product. I am a coincidence that has happened since birth. It's happened to me now. Because we are talking about the past. When we ask, closer than a certain point We've become so busy that I don't even say "Hello Mehran" right now. How are you? How many girlfriends have you had? It's gotten to a point where you're in front of it. You see it and now you love it and want it so much.

1:02:41 Build a relationship with them, it's the product of all of them. Each of these incidents that have happened in my life If it weren't for this tension, this tension that you Now you see it and you like it very much. He hadn't come. So I'll leave you with all my experiences. I accept your forgiveness. That we want to come Let's say, "Wow, no, I really don't care." This has nothing to do with anything. There is no honesty or anything like that. This is me from now on. I'm telling you, hello, a number of things are completely It's up to you and you have the right to be 100% responsible. You can ask him to let you know, but you can't. Here before you were gone. What do you need to know? Well, that means the problem. Then it gets worse when I come to talk about

1:03:26 You know, my sister used to be addicted, for example. Has my sister gone to alcohol? What is it about? It's a private matter. My sister might not want me to tell you this. It doesn't mean that you and I are close at all. It doesn't mean that your closeness is that flexibility and It's the past and it's loving, I don't know, people. Why are you so close, even though I know everything? Let me tell you, they mix a lot of this up. Literally, these secrets, these secrets, this information is mine. I'm not alone or something in our family. For example, my mom and dad fight every day. What does this have to do with you? This is related. To my family. You're not going to live with us. Don't do it, it's not going to be with my mom or my dad. This has nothing to do with it, let me tell you. Only

1:04:13 Things from the past I felt now. You want to ask, is it up to you? It will affect our future. Like what? I am now based on one of the cases I myself I was in a relationship, but I didn't get married. Or I did. This relationship has caused me to get a disease that I had my uterus and ovaries removed. This is up to you. That means I'll go first. You say, sir, I can never do that. Insha Allah, I will have children because of my uterus and ovaries. I took it off. You love me very much. The relationship is going forward. You ask me after because your heart tells you something. Do you want to know why? I have an explanation. I'll give you a useful brief about it and Hello, it's over. Whose side was it?

1:05:00 Who were his parents, how old was he, what was his job? What happened, what happened, it doesn't matter. Because I told you earlier, sir, I have a child. I can't. Or someone has done something to me that I am afraid of. A special tome has been created, Tom has developed a lot of separation anxiety, because I've been there several times, I've come to you. Let me explain, sir. I'm in a previous relationship. This happened a long time ago, psychologist. I went to say, "I have this and this is not right." It can be as long as I'm with you for a year or two. I want to live, I feel at ease that you left me alone. Don't you want to go? That's when it'll end. I will explain to you. Or should I tell you, Mehran, you know me? For example, my ex-wife lied to me and...

1:05:47 I was on the phone with someone. I'm sensitive, can I ask you to do it in 6 months? Don't put a code on your phone first or if something happens to you... I asked, "Answer me right away, follow me." I don't get it. If I tell you who you're talking to, it's your sister. Show me some private matters, I'll see. You show me that chatting with your sister is enough, I won't sit down. To read But please be patient with me for 6 months to a year. To put my mind at ease, I'm going to talk about this. Gentlemen, we have a lot of privacy. We have it well and we shouldn't do too much work. Let's say my phone doesn't have a code and It's up to you. It doesn't mean you're in love. I love you and I don't do anything wrong. I won't do it. I can do that wrong thing. My office has a second phone that I pull out from my desk.

1:06:33 Can't you see me doing it? So its openness It doesn't mean not doing wrong and loving you. And my phone being off means that it must be I'm doing something wrong and I love you. I am not. I might as well be a man. They send very rude jokes. I don't send almost everything with God. Don't you understand me? By God, I don't have any. A friend who sends these things. You didn't have it before. Why did I have it before?

…