I Was Raised In A Satanic Cult | Surviving Hell with Kibbi Linga

0:00 today's episode contains themes of sexual abuse animal abuse murder cannibalism incest and Satanism listen discretion is advised Kibby doesn't observe Halloween and asks for extra prayers for our animals and children today I'm a Satanic ritual abuse Survivor there's a lot of controversy around that I strongly believe my mother had three children in order to create a cult and to do these sick crimes that fulfilled her sick desires how much do you remember about the very first ritual that you witnessed there was a victim Named Sam I remember my mother taking appliers did your mom force you to eat

0:46 Sam um [Music] she was forced to eat human flesh and surviv the unthinkable being born into a satanic cult kib linga told herself as a child that she would one day get away be an artist and expose her mother for forcing her to participate in Twisted and unspeakable Act and after years of being silenced that is exactly what she

1:33 is doing today on this very special Halloween episode this may be the most intense Survivor interview we've done yet it's also perfectly fine if you need to take breaks while listening and step away and come back to it watch this interview on the real Alex Clark YouTube channel and help support our mission to heal a sick culture physically relationally and spiritually by making a tax deductible donation through the link in the description if this interview impacts you in any way you can also leave a fstar review that costs nothing and lets the guests know that you appreciate her vulnerability coming on find links for today's guest on social media discount codes for our sponsors and links for resources if you have also been a victim of child abuse in the show notes without further Ado I'm Alex Clark

2:19 and please welcome Kibby linga for a very memorable Halloween special of culture Apothecary tell everybody in a few words what you are A Survivor of I'm a Satanic ritual abuse Survivor there's a lot of controversy around that including the names so also known as ritual abuse ramco um Ault Survivor how would you describe yourself as a child I'm proud of my child self because and I don't know where this came from God our creator whoever but I strongly feel I was gifted with the gift of discernment and growing up in an extremely evil family doing evil behaviors one would

3:06 assume the whole world is like that but I didn't and from the very beginning before I knew what was going on and I looked at it as my mom was following the darkness versus the light and I stood tall in my beliefs and I grew up in an environment where my mother and father and other adults were committing crimes and I thought it was wrong and I have two sisters I'm the middle we're all close and age and I stood up for my beliefs and I was like this is wrong my mom I I think she regretted having me um she would often tell me I was brainwashing my sisters for saying that what she was doing was wrong so I did get treated differently because of that as my sisters were more obedient towards

3:53 my mom and her beliefs religious beliefs and her manipulation her brainwash ing so I would describe myself as a very strong child honestly I feel like I was stronger as a child than I am now now that may change as I'm continuing to grow why do you say that just coming over here I myself I'm so nervous to be here right like I'm scared you're doing so great you're doing so great my inner child is some like to call it whatever you want to call it is so proud and I guess that's a how I can articulate or show that I was a a strong child and hopefully I can be that strong again someday and I think I'm on my way what

4:38 is the earliest memory you have as a child most of my memories like age 0 to 4 are kind of not as clear for example I remember my father sacrificing a child I don't remember what happened before I remember I don't remember what happened after after I just know that he used a bat during this sacrifice and there are four rituals or sacrifices I remember most so it's difficult for me to say what my first memory of the abuse was because it literally started when I was Zero I strongly believe that my mother had three children in order to create a cult and to do these sick crimes that

5:25 fulfilled her sick desires I will pinpoint when I was about 3 or 4 years old I was put into this cage um in the basement the same cage my father would use to get his children I was not okay I was put there because I was brainwashing my sisters because I was always like this is wrong this is wrong to my sisters and I don't think my mom wanted me around my sisters particularly my younger one because she was siding with me especially in the beginning so when I'm in this cage I I'm not okay I was not okay I was claustrophobic I couldn't contain my botles I didn't know what to do and so I asked for help from

6:12 our creator or actually at that point I called him God because Catholicism ran on my family side my mom's side very much so and the abuse at home was rationalized with figures from the church particularly Jesus um she would also often pretend to be as important as Mother Teresa or Jesus's mother Mary I didn't trust I didn't trust these figures these prophets whatever you want to call them the only one she didn't like use against me was God so I'm in this cage and this is not my earliest memory but one of my most favorite one of the most impactful in my life I don't know how long I lasted until I asked for help from our creator or God I don't even know his name we're all arguing

6:59 about not arguing but we just can't come to an agreement about it but I asked for support and within very limited amount of time I felt this outside presence I couldn't see it I could feel it and I felt better and like a okay and it wasn't a onetime occurrence I was put into this cage and over time the cage became calming therapeutic in a way because when I was a child I have this thing with having my feelings I love having my feelings I I I I think I learned that as a child because I I realize when something bad happens and I have my feelings it makes me stronger to keep

7:45 going and so in this cage I felt so protected by this outside source and it became like a safe place for me who was the ring leader was it your mom or your dad my mother what was your dad a reluctant participant or fully invested in everything that she was having the family do my father from what I know he's from New Jersey he moved out to Minnesota where he met my mom he was also religiously abused with Jesus and I know he wanted kids and so he was dating this woman and she couldn't have kids or didn't want them one or the other and then he met my mom and she wanted kids right away so he goes I'm going to be

8:32 with this woman I think he really wanted kids he is a doormat like very vulnerable very broken and not fixed I don't know exactly his main motives for marrying my mom or going into the cult but I'm going to assume it was to have kids was your mom also abusive towards your dad yes he was so submissive he was a like anything he she told told him to do she had to do and I believe he got off to it too what was your mom's upbringing like what do you know about your mom's upbringing all I know is what she's told me and I don't know what's true or what's not true when I ask her about my grandmother's upbringing she says something to me like that's not your childhood to worry about

9:18 and with all the recovery I've done I know that's a sign of gaslighting and so then I say but it is that's my family that's my grandmother and then she'll come up with this story and I don't know how much of it is true or not true from the sounds of it my mother did experience Satanic ritual abuse I can't make that a fact um those Clues she's told me stuff like the stuff I'm doing to you happened to me also a huge clue is my grandmother was a part of the grooming process of you and my sisters although I have not seen her participate in a child sacrificing ritual or even animals because one ritual was with cats she would buy us porcelain dolls and then

10:04 when we would go to Grandma's house we would feed the porcelin dolls potion so there was like no actual potion in the bottle but that was our family's code name for psychedelics and that gives me reason to believe that I was drugged with psychedelics as a baby now obviously I can't prove that I was a baby but the grooming that my grandmother had my sisters and I go through where we're like feeding these dolls psychedelics for playtime tells me that she was grooming me to make me feel like it was normal and to do it to the next generation is it true that your mom was the leader of the satanic cult that you grew up in I don't know who or where she

10:51 came from I don't know if she's working under a bigger organization or group but from what I experienced yes one way my story differs from a lot but not all is that I wasn't affiliated with any high-profile people or Elites that I know of I come from a middle class family I've been speaking out about my story since April and so many people relate just sad but there's more people than we would think that have also been involved in satanic Colts as children yeah sometimes I want to like take screenshots and show people how many messages I'm getting really parents reach out to me and they're like my kids are going through this but authorities won't listen and that's what happened to me too who alerted the authorities in

11:38 your story I did not alert the authorities until age 30 until I came maybe 31 I do remember like an investigation from my childhood like I think there may have been suspicions so how do if your mom was the leader of the satanic cult how did she get into that position like she started it or somebody appointed her I believe it's transgenerational if it was done to her right and one of my mom's things was she would always tell us I'm going to stop the rituals by around the time your age 10 so that you have time to forget because if you don't forget you could go out there and tell people and then I'll get in trouble right so this is only assumption based but I do believe it happened in my family before I was born my mom has four siblings I do believe that everybody on my mom's side is aware

12:24 of this and in denial they're in denial what do you mean by that denial is a coping mechanism in my understanding I personally was in denial for 15 to 17 years and they don't want to face it and also I don't know if they're granted true choice because when I was in denial I wasn't granted true choice I was completely brainwashed what was the daytoday routine like for your mom as the leader of a satanic cult a lot of it was looking normal on the outside but feeling crummy on the inside for example going to church getting baptized um playing was it a normal Church yes it

13:09 was a Catholic church so you were attending Catholic Church as a child and then lowkey unbeknownst to anybody you guys were also your family was running a satanic cult we use Catholicism as a front and my understanding is that's very common with people who perform Satanic ritual or ritual abuse is they use something as a front whether it be Psychiatry whether it be advocating for child trafficking do you have any fond memories of your mom being loving and kind towards you yes during my years of denial she brainwashed me and manipulated me so much into loving her I mean we all want a mom right we all want

13:55 parents my father passed away when I was nine so that was gone and during my years of denial particularly teenage years and 20s she was kind supportive would send me Christmas presents with everything I wanted things I liked for example tie-dye socks like just stuff that I like that made me feel so warmed and loved and reflecting back that was a manipulation tactic in my opinion did she have a normal job outside of the home yes she worked at a large Bank not as a teller would people be surprised the types of professions and people that were involved in a satanic cult like this evil people are good at manipulating and when an evil people an

14:41 evil person can manipulate someone they can so show someone that they look great on the outside and that is one red flag I look for today when when meeting people and being around people if they look great on the outside if they have no flaws a red flag goes up and I step back a little bit it because I want to know the whole deal so a lot of just White Collar professions families like what types of people were there any politicians no and survivors that I know in real life and also digitally yes unfortunately how much do you remember about the very first ritual that you witnessed I remember my mother taking appliers or what looked like appliers it

15:28 was instrument went like that and she was torturing a a baby slowly where did the baby come from I don't know for sure but I can only make my assumptions based off my experiences there was a victim Named Sam he was 8 years old from Chicago or at least that's what my parents told me most traumatic night in my life like my mom and dad were like he your new brother we had dinner with him they called it the last supper and afterwards they sacrificed him so I got that name checked out by the authorities there was no match and I'm like okay either my mom was lying about his name and location or he came from somewhere else or both this

16:14 was in 2019 I started recovering from the cult stuff in 2018 since then I've learned how big our child trafficking issue is and how most likely Sam and the other victims came from broken places my father was in charge of that like I said he obeyed my mom my mom said go get a child he did that I don't care what the haters say I love a glass of juice in the morning I used to bring a juice box to the studio every morning when I did morning radio starting at 18 years old it's nostalgic for me I love my blankie and my juice no matter how old I am I'm glad to have the knowledge now to choose something better though for me that still tastes just as good and so I drink squeeze juice

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17:45 appetite in your toothpaste is or isn't absolutely bad I think the jury is still out maybe it works for you or maybe you're like me and noticing weird gray spots on your teeth or an onslaught of cavities all of the sudden well that was going on for me when I I was using a different non-toxic toothpaste and it stopped whenever I switched to zebra for my toothpaste I cannot believe the amount of DMS from you guys saying you experienced the same thing so am I telling everybody that you have to only use one type of non-toxic toothpaste no but what I am telling you is that zebra is a non-toxic organic toothpaste that could be a good option because it uses Xylitol instead of fluoride or hydroxy appetite zebra also has an incredible floss non-toxic floss is really hard to find okay some of them don't Glide well

18:32 they break easy zebra is unreal go to yay zebra.com use code Alex for 10% off any order that's yay zebra.com use code Alex for 10% off non-toxic floss toothpaste they also have an amazing deodorant which is baking soda-free do you have any idea about the methods on procuring a child I think there was connections the black web dark web you know places I don't visit I do remember my mother and father recording the rituals so there there's a chance that perhaps they exchanged the video for money or for a child but my father would be gone for quite some time to to get the kids

19:21 usually I don't remember it ever being less than a day have you ever described to authorities like get to make a facial sketch or anything of any of these children and and the name you were given and the city allegedly that they came from the time period have you ever done any of that unfortunately authorities don't care unless I hand them H hard evidence and my mother didn't give me hard evidence to grow up with and give to the authorities where were the rituals taking place I mean was this like in the woods somewhere was it a building was it your home how many people would gather for these how often would they happen I remember four rituals well enough that I can speak about with confidence not just the ritual but the beginning the middle the

20:07 end who was involved my family lured in at least two other families from the church for these sacrificing rituals where would you host them we lived in a duplex my most traumatic event was actually at a duplex there were two of them at friends houses from the church there was one in a rural area in a barn was it like the movies portray Eyes Wide Shut cloaks all of that kind of stuff I haven't seen any of those movies but so many people comment on my content like this is like eyes wide shut so were people covering their faces or you everybody was just out in the open I differ from Eyes Wide Shut because it was not that big the cult I

20:52 grew up in was not that big at least what I experienced maybe there's more that I don't see but yes the masks and the costumes and it didn't happen all the time but it did and I believe it was to make us kids look crazy if we say anything what did the costumes look like so I remember my mom wearing the devil horns sometimes so I could still completely see her face there was another ritual where my mom lured in a family from the Catholic church and the father he was actually like mid 20s maybe at the time he wore his daughter's Minnie Mouse costum and maybe to confuse us to in case we said anything because if I go to a family friend or an authority and say I

21:39 saw a Minnie Mouse kill a child they're not going to take me seriously and another thing my mom did a lot and Trigger warning um is during these rituals she would take a broomstick and like one of the main motives behind all this from what I've I from what ve observed in my opinion is that it was for sexual pleasure and gratification and so during the ritual she would take a broomstick and go like this in between her legs while the torture was happening and after she would get off a parent like and it was obvious then she would continue to essay the children and I believe she did that as a way to groom

22:25 us to think that it was normal and to do it to the next Next Generation and also physiologically if she's training children to get off to control and evil what is that going to do to a child growing up I thought my family was the only evil one come to find out this is actually way more common than I thought the broomstick thing there's also other speculations that I don't know are true or not about like putting hallucinogens on it I don't know if my mom did that one thing is is that if I were as a child or an adult to go to an authority or for someone for help and say I saw my mom being a witch killing children they're going to think I'm crazy so it's

23:11 like one of those other things that they do were in my opinion they do it to make the child look crazy if they say anything so when they would perform these rituals and human sacrifices were they like okay Kibby watch this it we're this is what's happening tonight or they would just do it knowing that you were around or were you specifically told to watch it I was specifically told to watch it and I believe that was to train me to get me to physiologically find pleasure from this you're watching Satanic rituals and and babies being murdered at night and then like are you guys doing birthday parties and like normal family stuff like that in the day yes so we celebrated Christmas we celebrated all

23:58 the holidays with my mom's side of the family was your mom ever openly saying things like hail Satan or anything like that or it was just like we're doing these sacrifices but we're saying we're Catholic so she never said hail Satan that I remember sometimes it like seemed like she praised Jesus and she actually believed in him I don't know if it was a manipulation tactic to use against me she didn't say Satan she said that she worshiped the devil and when she gave her soul to the devil she could get whatever she wanted and that actually enabled me to develop disassociative identity disorder which I worked on very hard and has been taken off of my charts in 2023 the beginning I didn't know that

24:44 that was something that you could overcome I thought you just learned to live with it no and I strongly disagree with that and I so you had different personalities and different altars and then you were able to completely be done with that MH and it happened because around age 9 or 10 I go mom how am I going to live a normal life right like how am I going to I want to I want a happy life like look what we just experienced because the rituals did stop at 8 and she goes well you can do what I did what I do and that is that I give my soul to the devil and he gives me a new one and when I get a new one my pain goes away and I get to restart on another life what she didn't tell me was

25:29 that doing that would disassociate me from my true self and I would be jeopardizing and sacrificing my true self at your worst how many altars did you have three thank God can you describe them Kibby my child self and I use a pseudoname I use Kibby in honor of the fact that when I was a child I wanted to be a painter named Kibby linga and tell on my mom that was my inner child's articulation I want to tell on my mom and so what ended happening with her telling me to do that to deal with my pain in life is that when I was 13 my pain became too much so I switched my heart or or Soul Kibby with the devil for a new one and because I love colors I went from GRE a green heart to a

26:15 Purple Heart at age 13 so at age 13 I'm literally thinking I'm on my second life within the same life and that's okay because it's helping me cope and so as a child your way of processing okay now I'm a new person I'm starting over is you would imagine your heart turning a different color like okay now I'm new I have this new heart I'm a purple person versus a green person new color new name new and so who was the second person Paige okay and what was Paige like very Carefree very fun kind of like avoiding everything that had happened and living my best life but that best life didn't look that healthy would you have different handwriting in a and Cadence to your voice and things like that until I was 30 until I embraced the

27:03 trauma I didn't like have switches other than the designated time like at age where your heart was changing MH and then the next one was at age 24 okay and who was at 24 then I went from a purple heart to an orange heart I went from Paige to tuna I had to think of the name last minute I was in so much pain I'm like tuna it is and that was from 24 to 30 and then I started embracing extensively this cult stuff and I that's when I started switching and that was in 2009 2020 and thank God for the pandemic because I literally I I didn't have to work for about two years so it was like my main focus to embrace these personas nurture them get to love

27:50 them help them be there for them I was in a state of confusion I literally thought I was three different people within the same body so you had to go back and you had to heal each one of those three people I'm assuming yeah it was kind of like I was going back to each of those eras and reliving those lives in a better way now and now you're Kibby again I mean yourself you're back to yourself and you're wearing a green shirt today I have to point out for those that aren't watching on you on YouTube so was that by Design yes yes the other kids in this satanic cult um just their families were involved what were they like what what were their parents saying to them were you allowed to communicate with each other and be friends yes however it was very shameful for me so I

28:36 presume it was very shameful for us so us kids didn't talk about it much do you know what happened to any of them like have you ever found them and talked to them about what happened to you guys I've reached out to all of them they're all in denial like heavily in denial there was one sacrifice where um two two cats were sacrificed and I did receive some validation from that but not from the person who sacrificed the cat thems which happened to be a child that was a sacrifice where a child made the sacrifice and her older sister is the one who kind of like validated some questions I had around it were there ever explanations of like here is why we're doing this here's why

29:22 we're killing this baby here's why we're eating this person was there any explanation given rationalization was that she was the chosen one she could not control it right it was just a fact she was chosen to sacrifice to do these sacrifices to wash away our family sins and everybody else is around us so she told us that she was doing good however I disagreed because sacrificing anything with feelings and a heart is wrong because it's it would be wrong for someone to come up to me and sacrifice me what sorts of Ed education were you given were you attending Public School in the midst of all of this or were you homeschooled during the rituals age 0 to8 I think we were pulled out of

30:07 the Catholic school age n when I was N9 or 10 so I had the Catholic School in the beginning and during the rituals and then when the rituals stopped and my mom decided I'm not going to do this anymore I'm assuming for her to not it's going to help her not get away with it by stopping it at a young enough age right and at that point she quit religion cold turkey and took us from the private school and put us into public and put us into all these extracurricular activities dealing with the abuse that you and your siblings endured did you guys struggle at all in school were there behavioral issues did you have troubl making friends as far as my sister is like I don't know for sure but

30:55 they appear to have done a lot better than me in school um they were also more under my mother's control I struggled a lot but I'm smart for example my mother would put me into a special ed class and you know at this point I'm already in denial and if I have a mother putting me in a special ad class like I kind of feel like there's something wrong with me that seems like a direct deliberate move to again prevent you from being being able to speak out about what was happening people would doubt it because you're in the special ed class or you know well she's got some of these issues so like she might say some crazy things sometimes you know what I mean that kind of seems like maybe that was on purpose I have so many

31:41 stories like that like I struggled with drug addiction due to my trauma the scapegoating the pointing the fingers at me from age uh 21 to 24 16 17 to 24 on and off um I'm 36 now and that that's another example of you know like there's something wrong with Kibby like she has this thing but in all reality my true self wouldn't use drugs and I did it for a reason and there were there's a lot of examples like that like kind of like dumbing me down pushing me in a corner where it looks like I'm not presentable to society or Humanity talk about what

32:26 you would hear during some of these rituals what would your mom say to you she would tie me up on a chair and I would be like no don't don't don't and she would say you have to do this you have to do this so it's like a lot of like verbal abuse and Direction but I will speak on behalf of my most traumatic memory or experience and that was with Sam and she did speak to me during that ritual and my mother a big reason for her doing these sacrifices in my observations and experiences is for her to get off to it in between rituals she would essay us and she would talk about the rituals and that's how she would like get off she got to a point where she would get off by making

33:13 others do the deed as well in Cults from my understanding when people make something do something so guilty where they feel so guilty and shameful they don't want to leave so it was my turn when I was five almost six to solely sacrifice um a child and it was Sam the 8-year-old we just had dinner with him I love Sam I'll never stop loving Sam and I'll never betray Sam I think that he's a big reason why I'm here today recovering because it was such a traumatic memory that I've held on but during that ritual we had dinner with Sam and I thought he was my new brother and I was so excited because I'm like this brother this 8-year-old is

34:00 going to save my broken family and after the ritual things changed pretty quick roles in my family changed throughout the years for example my older sister started to graduate towards the cleanup role which was my father's role so during the exact ritual itself my my older sister wasn't there I remember me on my right on the right my younger sister on the left my mom was behind me and she gave me a knife from my right hand and she told me to do it to Sam I wouldn't I couldn't and I thought either something really bad would happen to me or Sam would get let go so there was a

34:46 lot of communication in this ritual my mom was saying you have to do it you have to do it and like I said she always had this sense of urgency she was just getting so mad at me and I thought is going to take my hand and make me do it myself and that's not what happened she gave it to somebody else who looked very disassociated and did it themselves did your mom force you to eat Sam yes that was my consequence for not sacrificing Sam and it wasn't the first time I was fed human flesh thankfully my mother cooked it I've heard of other stories where they don't but because it

35:31 was Sam someone who I grew in attachment to I feel like that was me drinking the Kool-Aid or taking sips like that's kind of what enabled me or a big factor to go into denial because I felt so guilty and I will say I didn't eat any of them fully like I had this thing where I would chew it up and then when my my mom wasn't looking I would put it under a blanket or in a milk glass she never said anything to me about it thank God but I feel like I did that to help re alleviate some of the guilts and I think it might have worked too going through all of this what was your biggest wish I knew there was so much Beauty outside of my family I didn't know how big Satanic ritual abuse was my first wish was to

36:17 become an artist and tell on my mother and as I developed into a teenager that came more like telling my story about my mother as well how old were you when you were finally able to escape I was 23 years old when I moved from Wisconsin thousands miles away so I kind of look at that as like I physically escaped then because I don't think I would have been able to recover at age3 had I been close to my mom because that's typically the way Cults work a lot I think having seven years away from my family and I and I had also gotten sober but that wasn't good enough for me I was still in denial so I kind of look at it as like I physically got away at 24 but mentally spiritually

37:05 emotionally not until age 30 and I'm still on that Journey you said the last ritual that you witnessed was around 8 between 8 and 23 when you escaped did you guys ever talk about it like was it just this elephant in the room of what had gone on all those years prior I think the first year or two maybe it was like a small baby elephant because like I was saying like we were in so much shame and guilt like we didn't want to talk about this we were just kids I do remember a time when I was about 10 years old and my older sister we were outside playing with chalk and my older sister goes remember when our family

37:51 used to kill people and I'm sitting there thinking like yeah with shame I didn't say anything in this particular incident but my younger sister looks up and goes yeah afterwards it was a lot of brainwashing and manipulating us into that it never happened and it worked pretty well on my sisters and it worked well on me too but for me I chose self-destruction was your mom's personality kind of aloof and there was something different about her or to all appearances was she like this really Charming warm woman you would never guess on the outside that she would do these things and I feel like one of her manipulation tactics as she's gotten

38:38 older especially is to exhibit a Persona which makes people confuse love for pity if that makes sense it enables or helps people to trust her more just her demeanor the way she talks around she's very friendly to people during my teenage years after the rituals she put us in all these extracurricular activities at volleyball she was called Mama roazzi because she took all the pictures she was like Girl Scout leader like just there for us that's interesting she was a girl scout leader How likely is it that she used that position to procure some of these children I don't think that she used that position to get the children I think she for anything that she made

39:24 herself appear good for example taking the pictures at volleyball or having us kids travel around for volleyball or showing that she's a good mom by putting us in these extracurricular activities I don't think she did that to get children I think she did that to make her Persona look strong reputable kind and like a good mother has your healing process been pretty up and down like you're you're doing well and then and then maybe you backslide a little bit or has it been has it been linear for you where it's just gotten better over time is as long as I prioritize my recovery my faith God it is linear but it doesn't feel like it now are there times that I am not as close with God yes

40:10 absolutely I don't think recovery is linear but in a sense I kind of feel like it does because when someone keeps trudging and going forward like they do get better but by all means it does not feel linear like I will go through a week of feeling safe and free and then I'll go through a week of not and hardships another thing that happens during my healing era are my friends rotate a lot so that's something that brings a lot of grief and then I do the footwork to find more supportive friends so there's a lot of ups and downs emotionally but I do feel like if I prioritize my recovery and my faith I am growing

40:58 in the spirit of Halloween one of the spookiest things is walking past a store and it just smells like a fragrance bomb went off I remember working at Hollister high school and once an hour we were required to spray their perfume on the clothes once an hour in that tomb not only were the employees all breathing that in but the clothes us teens were buying were saturated in chemicals that we now know completely destroy your hormones and affect fertility it is amazing that Millennials are having so any issues getting pregnant isn't it no more artificial fragrance in my life period I use Olivia for my body wash and my hand soap 100% organic non-toxic Prebiotic body and hand wash which feeds the Skin's delicate microbiome if you struggle with sensitivity to synthetic fragrance and chemicals eczema psoriasis

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43:16 every cut is pre-trimmed individually packed vacuum sealed which makes your life a lot easier I love that their chicken breasts are ready to go you do not have to like trim all that weird stuff off no more wasted food because of freezer burn or poor store packaging good ranchers helps you get the most flavor and value out of every ounce of meat you buy and in this economy that matters more each day go to goodranchers.com use code Clark for a discount that's goodranchers.com with code Clark good ranchers American Meat delivered most of us aren't lawyers we aren't required to show up to every argument we're invited to that is my favorite advice to share and remind people of every debate season some of us are cut out for confrontational discussions about our values some of us aren't honestly I prefer not to I know everybody's surprised by that because of what I do for a living but I actually

44:02 hate getting into debates that's just not my forte it's not my strength I would rather support brands that share my values instead like organic cotton tampons from conservative owned garu this is such an easy way to make a difference politically instead of giving money to a tampon brand monthly who is directly opposed to your political beliefs you also do not want to be using tampons and pads saturated with heavy metals glyphosate fragrance chlorine or Worse gar new pads and tampons are really cute branded period products that you should feel good about and 100% organic cotton is a non-negotiable there is absolutely no good reason to not use 100% organic cotton in your period products you cannot like you literally can't okay so this is something that I am telling you you've got to switch

44:48 every purchase goes towards helping victims of human trafficking garu is a conservative owned small business that deserves your support for sharing your values good to gar.com and use code Alex for 15% off at gar.com buy once or set up a monthly subscription so that you never accidentally run out that's what I do gar.com and code Alex for 15% off I also find garu is a lot less expensive than those big drugstore brands that you grew up using what would you say to somebody listening to this interview who is in that state of denial about their own abuse I would say that I don't want to tell anybody to live their lives but I think that that's an individual decision for somebody to make if I don't know if I'm in denial I want to explore

45:34 that right so I think it's a personal individual um decision do I want to look at my trauma and see who or what I can become or do I want to just live my life the best way that I can you've only been sharing your story for the last couple months since April Kibby that is phenomenal you are doing so well like I am blown away by your ability to tell this story um and and get through this and that's that's really hard because it's every time you tell it I mean do you feel like it feels like you're releasing it or does it feel like you're were living it since I started recovery five or six years ago I knew I wanted to do that since I was a kid right and now

46:20 as I'm doing it it is different from what I expected and at sometimes I feel like I'm reliving it and at other times oh my gosh I am healing so much for example one of my coping mechanisms because of all this was chewing up food and spitting it out like also known as a disordered eating it I did it during my years of denial where I got that behavior from I'm assuming from being you know the cannibalism and how I spit that out because I felt so shameful about it I have a podcast I talked about it on an episode before releasing it I was so scared I was not I actually did throw up but afterwards it was so healing but then there are other times that I feel like I am reliving it and it

47:07 may not be conductive to my health my mental and emotional and spiritual health and that's something I'm going through right now is finding my boundaries with what to share when and where are you involved in regular therapy or Survivor groups my main healing pillars are I am in therapy I have declined scientific approaches maybe because my whole experience was so spiritual I want a spiritual approach I'm also a very imaginative imaginative person I'm an artist so visualization works well for me what does a spiritual approach mean like a Christian counselor or something else so for me because I was so religiously abused obviously

47:52 Jesus was used against me I used the 12-step programs my parents are obviously didn't teach me how to live and there are many deeper level programs in the 12-step communities and my main program is adult children of Alcoholics and dysfunction that is one of my main healing pillars and then I go to therapy but I tell her like I'm here to talk to you and get support I'm not here for you to tell me my reality or to narrate my story very picky about my therapist main thing I look for is if they're a good person and they've done the work themselves so therapy is a component of my healing also faith I have such a strong faith in our Lord God

48:40 whatever his name is but religiously my mother lied to me my mother lied to me about Jesus and I'm on a spiritual path with God right now and I want to know the truth and I don't know that the world is lying to me so this is going to take me some time I will say scripture and the Bible in addition to the 12-step programs that I work there is some amazing insight and wisdom in there that helps me live my life and be a better person and I am so appreciative of that although I'm not at a place where I can say I'm religious when was the last time you talked to your mom or your sisters the last time I talked to my older sister was in 2019 I confronted her about the abuse

49:25 she called me delusional she said I was a drug addict extremely mentally ill she accused me of being on LSD and she hoped that I wouldn't end up on the side of the street dead so that conversation didn't go very well my younger sister and I actually started working the trauma together really so did she live near you no she's back in Wisconsin both of them are very andmed like my two older sisters work together like they live with 10 miles of each other they're very how are they able to maintain being close when the one won't talk to you but the other one does and one is willing to do trauma therapy with you but the other one won't my younger one the actually

50:11 the only one in my family I've ever loved is my younger sister she this was back in 2019 so she you know I'm like telling her like hey I'm in these 12st star programs like there's this thing where like I can find out about my past are you in and she's like yes I've noticed Mom's controlling and we kind of started it together and once we got to the point where I told her um my first memory was of my father sacrificing a child because um I think it was too painful for me to remember my mother and I told her that and at that point she just she bounced are they still in communication with your mom yes and to piggy back on your last question I have still remained a relationship with my

50:56 younger sister very minimal about as thin as Dental Foss and throughout the past five or six years as I've been doing extensive healing she's told me she respects that I look I've looked at my trauma she doesn't want to know about it and we kind of tried having a relationship around it but to me it it got to a point where it's like I can't I can't connect to my younger sister the the person I love and it hurt me and then ever since speaking out and mean our relationship was already basically at text messages for holidays and birthdays so when I started speaking out I haven't heard a single word from any of them when was the last time you spoke to your mom via text message I have

51:42 asked her questions mostly since speaking out like the first two months they didn't know I was speaking out and my audience would ask me questions that I didn't know because sometimes they're more informed about this type of abuse than I am often times actually so I'd go back and ask my mom questions and she would answer them I don't know how much of it was true or not true but then once I found out that they found out that I've been sharing all this it's just crickets and I'm not going to reach back out do either of your sisters have kids or are they married my older sister has two biological kids they are all um they're like 14 and maybe like N9 or 10 do you trust your mom around those kids no do

52:30 you think she lets your mom be around them I know she does do you think that your mom even now is I'm sure much older would commit any of the same acts my nephew plays gymnastics and when I during my years of denial I would go back and visit because I thought I loved my mom my nephew would go to practice twice a week no other parents watched right my mom's the only one watching every every single practice and it does scare me and not going to lie this what I experienced I believe is transgenerational from everything I've learned if we or if I don't heal from my

53:15 trauma I can hurt others whether it may not be sacrificing children I can heavily shame I can emotionally incest I can be mean be a bad person right if I don't heal myself do you celebrate Halloween no I don't know the origins around it I'm not educated about it and so I'd rather just kind of stay away do you avoid scary movies and things like that or are you able to watch it I don't watch because the suspense is too much for me it's stressful do you think that there is a lot of satanic subliminal messaging that pops up in pop culture and entertainment or is that just like superstitious stuff from people who have no idea about the

54:01 realities of like what a satanic cult really is I absolutely believe that I believe that art is a projection for example American Horror Stories the latest season I personally haven't seen it but a show is Art right and art is a projection which is a confession so although someone may call it mockery to me it's a confession one thing I ask myself is if they're not doing it to hypnotize brainwash whatever you want to call it to us what are they doing it for what do you know about Bohemian Grove I don't I'm uneducated you see I feel like I've spent my 20s surviving my 30s healing and I'm just and now people

54:48 are just asking you all these like random questions and it's like I have a lot to learn I do believe that from what I've seen and heard rituals have happened there what do you know about adrenochrome is that real yes and I say that because of survivors I know and also I will say it's an assumption because I have nothing factual to show you but and in my experience I didn't remember my mom using that word however she would have us drink the blood in occasion on occasion what is your response to the doubter to people who think that you're making all of this up how does that make you feel to know that they think this is a madeup story

55:33 I have compassion and empathy for people who have lived a very good life and just cannot fathom this right I feel everybody is entitled to their own opinion and if somebody doesn't want to believe this I'm not here for them I'm not here to convince them I am here to show other people who are capable of seeing this truth now when somebody gets defensive and starts attacking me and I could tell you many stories about that that raises many red flags to me that maybe they're in denial about something that happened to them or they're protecting the perpetrators or there are perpetrator themselves based on your experience how do you think we heal a

56:18 sick culture and that's what I love about you is that you want to better Humanity I think that we need to normalized getting help on both spectrums it is not normalized for me to get help as a victim of Satanic ritual abuse and it's absolutely not normalized for the perpetrators to get normal to get help in my opinion these perpetrators are extreme narcissists our society doesn't even normalize getting help for narcissism in fact we point fingers and say they're scum that they can't heal we don't know that because we're not giving them a space we're not giving them acceptance Love and Hope if we can't even do that with narcissists how are we going to do that with perpetrators if we can't lock them up

57:03 there's no hard evidence to do so and I always feel like in my personal life the first step to any problem is awareness and that's one reason why I'm sharing my story is I want to be a part of the change that spreads awareness but what happens next right well for one we're not there yet but I do think we need to normalize getting help what does happen next for Kibby the next 30 Years what do you hope your next 30 Years look like I hope I continue to heal spread awareness honor my inner child's dreams and not hurt myself in the process I also want to experience things that I've

57:52 missed out on due to the trauma I experienced such as finding Mr Wright potentially a child I'm 36 now if it's too late one day you know I would love to um maybe even adopt someone from the foster care system because in my opinion it's not the healthiest system I want like the happiest life because I feel like I deserve it you do deserve it you deserve it I'm so proud of you for sharing your story and coming out here I know that was a really big deal how can people learn more about you and your healing Journey where can they look for you right now I'm on social media Instagram Tik Tok and there I show clip bits of my story and answer questions to the audience and what's your Instagram

58:38 and Tik Tok Kibby linga I have a podcast called she got away I spent the first like nine episodes getting a lot out of me oh my gosh it has helped me healed so much and I might continue it where it's more discussion based okay perfect we'll put all the links for Kibby in the show notes um and also some links for resources that Kibby approves for um anyone who's endured or survived childhood abuse one thing I do like to say to people is for anyone who's not educated with Satanic ritual abuse ritual abuse ramco the occult whatever you want to call it it's the only type of abuse that I know of that has so many different names but is listed as a conspiracy theory I encourage people not to look at Google for information about this

59:27 because it is listed as a conspiracy theory and it's not a conspiracy theory you lived it no and I encourage people to listen to testimonies and um other stuff which I am happy to provide you with those resources thank you so much Kibby for coming on culture Apothecary yeah thanks for having me it's been such an honor that will go down in history as one of the most difficult stories that I've ever heard as an interviewer and as I told Kibby after I wrapped her story deserves to be heard and I'm very proud of her maybe you believe her story maybe you listened and you don't but child abuse does happen and just because it is horrific to discuss doesn't mean that it shouldn't be discussed at all this episode is in honor of Sam every Monday

1:00:14 and Thursday at 600 p.m. Pacific 9:00 p.m. Eastern a different guest shares their remedy to heal isit culture physically emotionally or spiritually don't forget that we are funded by your donations so please support us throughout this Rebrand so we can continue to have incredible guests like Kibby if you can't financially do that right now a festar review also would help a lot and give you a place to share support and thank Kibby for bravely coming on have a happy Halloween may we all be in our green heart era I'm Alex Clark and this is culture [Music] apothecary e